Sumomofo

The Metric System Lives Again

2006-07-03T10:36:00.000-04:00

Thanks to an anonymous comment I decided to put this back up.

Static Anonymity EP (2001/2002? Almost Records)

1. Grow Up And Blow Away
2. Siamese Cities
3. Down
4. Soft Rock Star
5. London Halflife

Grow Up & Blow Away (2001 – 2002; officially unreleased; Restless Records)

1. Grow Up And Blow Away
2. On The Sly
3. Torture Me
4. Fanfare
5. Parkdale
6. Raw Sugar
7. The Twist
8. Rock Me Now
9. Soft Rock Star
10. White Gold
11. Hardwire

Old World Underground, Where Are You Now? (2003; Everloving)

1. I.O.U.
2. Hustle Rose
3. Succexy
4. Combat Baby
5. Calculation Theme
6. Wet Blanket
7. On A Slow Night
8. The List
9. Dead Disco
10. Love Is A Place

Live It Out (2005; Last Gang Records)

1. Empty
2. Glass Ceiling
3. Handshakes
4. Too Little Too Late
5. Poster of a Girl
6. Monster Hospital
7. Patriarch on a Vespa
8. The Police and the Private
9. Ending Start
10. Live It Out

The Metric System is Down

2006-05-11T09:26:00.000-04:00

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dear Sir:
We are the lawyers for Metric and Last Gang Records.

We have been alerted to the fact that certain sound recordings (the "Sound Recordings") owned by Metric and Last Gang Records (the "Owners") are available for download at http://www.sumomofo.blogspot.com/. We have obtained your e-mail address from the user profile of "Sumomofo", a contributor to the website. While a different contributor (i.e. "Lady Jay") appears to be responsible for posting the Sound Recordings to the website, we hope that you are able to exercise control over the site's content or, at the very least, that you will forward this e-mail to the party that exercises such control.

Distribution of the Sound Recordings in the absence of authorization from the Owners constitutes copyright infringement. Please immediately remove or disable all access to the Sound Recordings. If you fulfill this request without delay, my clients may decide to forgo pursuit of any and all causes of action that may be available to them under the law.

Please respond at your earliest convenience to state your position on this matter.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at 416.537.1529, x. 224.

Yours truly,

Chris Taylor 171 East Liberty Street, Suite 330 Toronto, Ontario M6K 3P6 CANADA Tel: 01-416-537-1529 Fax: 01-416-537-1520 chris@tmblawyers.com www.tmblawyers.com This email is for the sole use of the person to whom it is specificallyaddressed above and should not be read by or delivered to anyone else.

PSA

2006-03-02T13:59:00.000-05:00

To all (6) avid readers of Sumomofo I wanted to let you know that the daily posts of music, stern and books, are unfortunately going to happen on a less frequent basis. I just got a new job, and am currently swamped with learning the ropes. I hope to still be able to post, sadly it looks like weekends only from now on. As a Stern addict myself I feel for you guys the most but I can tell you how to get it yourself, give a man a fish he'll eat for a day - teach a man to fish he'll eat for a lifetime.
Basically, I just download the previous day's broadcasts off a site called torrent spy. Use the search option (Type: Howard Stern) and all files are organized by date. If you're not familiar with Torrents first go to Bittorrent to download the free software. The system basically works like this, install the Bittorrent program, then drag and drop any torrents you download off sites (Like Torrent Spy) into the main window. Then voila, you've got Stern (and thousands of other files you may need)
Thanks for all the love over the past couple of months, and check back weekly to find new shit.
cheers,
Sumomofo

Seasonal "24" Ulcer - Pt. 7

2006-02-21T07:51:00.000-05:00

Ode To Jack

"Damn It!" Jack yelled, as the clock ticked along,
Having discovered the terrorists and canisters were gone.

Ivan is killed, by the new head terrorist, it's true,
And then, for good measure, they kill some other guys too.

One guy escapes, and calls Audrey at CTU,
But be careful Lynne doesn't see, he's gone a little Coo-Coo.

Lynne calls his sister, demanding his key card,
How about sending the cops over? You nard.

The President is bribed, and throws a mini-fit,
Ultimately he helps the terrorists plan a hit.

Jack takes out Curtis. What the hell did he do to you?
But we all know that Jack has a job to do.

He hijacks the car and drives off to the phone,
But quickly finds out his contact isn't alone.

With a single gun (not an automatic!), he takes out a chopper,
His contact his killed, too late for a doctor.

Secretive files are found on a chip,
While Chloe decodes it, Buchanan gets in shit.

The Russian President is sent out like sheep to slaughter,
"Not on my watch!", says the First Lady. She's a nutter.

Now, Toni Almeida, what happened to him?
Agent Wolfe? Palmer's brother? And Jack's daughter Kim?

Watch, and we'll learn a little more next week,
As "24" takes us to new, ulcer-inducing peaks.

Seasonal “24” Ulcer - Pt. 5 (recap) Pt.6

2006-02-14T17:47:00.000-05:00

It has been brought to my attention that there was no 24 update last week, and for that, I apologize. It is completely my fault, and I hope that none of you had to suffer the embarrassment of standing silently at the water cooler last week, unable to contribute to the conversation.For those who are interested, here is a quick update of what happened last week, on the episode that I have been referring to as “The Idiot Hour”. Lynne McGill (aka. Samwise): the idiot who got his pass card stolen by his junkie sister, and then never reported it. Walt Cummings: the idiot who betrayed his country, defended his actions as patriotism until he was blue in the face (literally!), and then cowardly killed himself. And CTU: the group of idiots who left the 15 year old hostage alone for five minutes, even though she was clearly upset, giving her ample opportunity to find a gun and kill their only lead to the terrorists. Perfect. All caught up? On to this week…

Jack mentions that CTU catches a break when Ivan (the lead terrorist guy - who I’ve seen in an X-Files episode I’m sure of it!) calls Jacob (the perv who was holding the 15 year old hostage - and recently stared in the PHENONMENAL Carnivale), and when Jack answers the phone tells him the secret meeting spot. Perhaps you terrorists should have a code word in case, say, your mistress, butler, 5 year old son, or the freakin’ government answers the phone, you don’t reveal all your secrets to CTU by mistake. I’d say this was a HUGE, inconceivable break for them. But I digress, Jack probably would have been able to use his ESP to figure out where they were, but this will be faster. Jack quickly offers to go undercover, and Curtis offers to have his back. Even though Jack didn’t have his in the past hour. Remember when you were shot Curtis?! Remember?! Who had your back then?
On to the dickless, hopeless, spineless, sack of monkey crap of a President. Novak suggests covering up the Cummings betrayal in order to save some face and the President doesn’t know what to do. CTU calls asking the President his orders about allowing the release of the toxic gas in the mall (I had to agree with Audrey on this one - none of this “greater good“ crap for me), and he doesn’t know what to do. He tells his wife to break the news to Suzanne Cummings about her husband’s suicide, and when the First Lady can’t, he doesn’t know what to do, or say to her. Do you see a pattern? I hate this guy. Plain and simple. And by the way, since when do you send a effing crazy person to break that kind of news? Just an hour ago the First Lady was in a car off to the loony bin. I think that is a very dramatic and impressive turn around. I love her. Did you see when Jack decided to save the day anyway? And then killed that terrorist by crushing his windpipe with his thighs! That was hot. Very hot. And then in the next five minutes, to counterbalance his violent tendencies, he saves the cute little kid and made my cold and bitter heart melt. To make up for this gooey behavior, Jack will kill at least three people next week. Count on it!Tune in next week, when the CTU team manages to track down the terrorists, even though “Ivan is gone! The canisters are gone!”, and there are no logical leads. Looks like we’ll have to access Jack’s telepathy after all.

Black Elvis

2006-02-03T18:21:00.000-05:00

Some Kool Keith for your collection. Ultramagnetic MC's are one of those old school acts that not enough people have heard about. Critical Beatdown is a killer album, one of the best ever made (no joke). Kool Keith is a killer MC, he was actually a mental patient before joining the group. Now he is actually crazy, a friend of mine saw him at a show in Toronto about a year or so ago. He showed up three hours late, loaded, he hit the mic and started calling out for hotties to come up on stage. He then started escorting them to the VIP section, which was actually a dark corner of the stage, in a corner, behind the curtain. Classic.
So I present you two classics from the Ultramagnetic MC's, and an EP from the Four Horseman producer Godfather Don, which is actually surprisingly modern for such an old album. Enjoy.

Ultramagnetic MC's - Critical Beatdown

Ultramagnetic MC's - The Four Horseman

Godfather Don & Kool Keith - The Cenobites EP

Howard Stern: 2-02-06

2006-02-03T17:00:00.000-05:00

The Howard Stern Show
much apologies for the late post, my work network is brutal

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 6

2006-02-02T12:27:00.000-05:00

Make Love*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 6

Howard Stern: 2-01-06

2006-02-02T11:58:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

Funkadelic 101

2006-02-01T18:50:00.000-05:00

This is a great compilation from the original funkadelic experience, Parliament. I've been really diggin Blak's Lair who has posted some solid funk, soul and other groovy shit, look around this great site to complete the 2nd and 3rd year Funk and Soul program and eventually get a degree in Funknology.

Parliament - Tear the Roof Off
Disc 1, Disc 2

I Think I can Beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!

2006-02-01T18:17:00.000-05:00

“I came out hustling sliding and grabbing

Slippin' and dippin' hustlin' and jabbin'
For a second I looked good out there
But then mike brought to reality my worst nightmare
ne punch, that's all it took (oooh)
He hit me in my ribs and my insides shook
Now how can I say this and be a little discreet
Let's just say that my bowels released
I called timeout and went back to my corner
said to my coach 'ain't no way I'm goin'
The hell back out there, man you can't forget it'
My body's like a punchin' bag and mike is gonna (hit it)”

I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.

"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

Mike Tyson.

Following the success of the 1984 coin-op arcade game simply titled Punch-Out!, Nintendo released the now infamous Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! in 1987, which is definitely one of the crowning moments in video game history. Based on a very limited amount of research, I am ready to declare 1987 a banner year for art: Evil Dead 2, Full Metal Jacket, Raising Arizona, Robocop and Princess Bride were all released in theatres; Appetite for Destruction, Licensed to Ill, Come on Pilgrim, Kick, Electric and Louder than Bombs were all released on tape; and Tetris, Double Dragon, and Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!! were the bane of mothers everywhere. I didn’t look at what books were released in 1987, but I was 9 years old, so relax (okay, fuck off, Black Dahlia, Misery, In the Skin of a Lion and Bonfire of the Vanities were all released in 1987).

The star of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! is Little Mac – a 107 pound 17-year-old who has decided that he is going to become a boxer despite the fact that he is about two feet shorter than everybody else and has the build of a pre-pubescent teen. Maybe I had been blinded by watching Karate Kid 10,000 times, or maybe it was because the Fresh Prince said it was possible, but I was sure that I was going to lead Mac to greatness. In Mac’s corner was Doc Louis, a heavy-set (read: fat-ass) black trainer who not only gives Mac questionable advise between rounds (see more on this later), but would also train Mac by pacing him on his bicycle (under the watchful gaze of the Statue of Liberty). In classic

Nintendo style, the controls were simple – right and left moved you right and left, down made you duck, A and B were right jab and left jab respectively (if you held up and pushed A or B Mac would unleash the devastating uppercut) – but perfecting the timing was very hard. Underneath each fighter I have provided an actual quote from the game. Let’s get ready to RUMMMMMMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLE! (I will not be repeating fighters even though you fight most of them more than once).

Fight One: Glass Joe (1 win, 99 losses, no KOs)

"Make it quick... I want to retire!"

Glass Joe is one shitty boxer. In fact, if you couldn’t destroy Glass Joe the first time you fought him than you either don’t have any hands or you better be very drunk (and if you were a nine-year old what the hell are you doing drinking?). In case you needed an explanation for Glass Joe’s struggles, he was French (this game is full of racial profiling, sometimes humourous, often offensive)… and, oh yeah, he is only 110 pounds.

Fight Two: Von Kaiser (23-13, 10 KOs)

"I was a boxing teacher...at the military academy!"

Von Kaiser is simply passed his prime. His record is strong, and he talks a mean game (although I think the military academy line is kind of redundant), but he is 42-years-old. He still looks mean, and the German accent is a little inti

midating, but in the end he is 42-years-old. Kaiser also has 44 pounds on Mac… but fuck him, he’s 42-years-old.

Fight Three: Piston Honda (28-1, 18 KOs)

"I'll give you a TKO from Tokyo!"

I still think that the line “I’ll give you a TKO from Tokyo” is one of the greatest statements in video game history. It is certainly better than the other line he occasionally blurts out, which is something along the lines of: “Sushi, kamikaze, fujiyama, Nippon ichi…”, which would be similar to Mac yelling “Hamburger, Navy Seal, Mount Saint Helens, Microsoft”… it just doesn’t make sense. Anyways, Piston was a challenge, nothing too intimidating, but a challenge. In the end, this is a big fight because a victory against Piston means the Minor Circuit Title!!!!

Fight Four: Don Flamenco (22-3, 9 KOs)

"Hey! Mr. Referee Mario I like your hair!"

Only 23-years-old, Don Flamenco is a flashy young Spaniard who is the first challenger to Mac on the Major Circuit. Don has style coming out of his ass. He enters the ring with a rose in his mouth and does an amazing dance as he enters the ring (punctuated with a graceful uppercut). What unnerves Mac is that Don spends most of the fight complimenting the Referee on his hair. How is Mac supposed to expect a fair fight if the Ref and Don are having a passionate love affair?

Fight Five: King Hippo (18-9, 18 KOs)

"I have my weakness. But, I won't tell you! Ha, ha, ha!"

It was this fight that made me hate Doc. Imagine this… the first round has just ended and Mac has been smoked... King Hippo just doesn’t seem to mind being hit in the face over and over again… he is taunting you about some mysterious weakness… battered and bruised you turn to your friend and mentor… Doc opens his mouth and says: “Join the Nintendo Fanclub today!” Are you fucking kidding me? You have carried this fat piece of shit on your back and he is trying to extort money from you. This is like Marsellus Wallace asking Butch to throw the fight… this is like Clubber Lang killing Mickey. Fuck, even now I am getting mad about this. Anyways, that shouldn’t ruin what is a great character – coming from parts unknown (or Hippo Islands, where he is apparently King) – the Hippo King is an enigma wrapped in a mystery hidden in the pyramids. Although neither Doc nor the Hippo King will tell you what his weakness is, he is wearing a big fucking band aid in the middle of his chest, and when he hit it his shorts fall down; so really it isn’t all that hard to figure out how to beat the Hippo King.

Fight Six: Great Tiger (24-5, 3 KOs)

"Beware my tiger punch."

I don’t know why Great Tiger gives away his biggest weakness by saying “Beware my tiger punch”. If you are able to avoid this massive uppercut, the Great Tiger gets so dizzy that he can’t even avoid you. Here is this guy who at the age of 29 was a master of black magic, if his jewel started to shine he was going to move around the ring like the Tasmanian Devil or teleport, yet he is too stupid to not give away his greatest weakness. At least King Hippo tries to hide his problems. I always hated the Great Tiger because of the tiger skin that hung in his corner… fucking asshole.

Fight Seven: Bald Bull (34-4, 29 KOs)

"My barber didn't know when to quit, do you?"

The Bald Bull looked like Sloth from Goonies. He talked like Sloth from Goonies too, and he prayed on my insecurities by saying stuff like: “Doc can't help you now. Will you beg me for help?”. Fortunately, this is the fight were Doc comes through. I don’t know why Doc changed his mind, maybe he saw that Little Mac had a shot, or maybe he saw a little of himself in Little Mac, maybe Little Mac slapped him around after the King Hippo fight… we will never know, but when he leaned into Mac at the end of the first round and tells him to stand up to Bald Bull’s infamous Bull Charge it’s like the moment that Ash chainsaws off his own hand and then converts the chainsaw into a hand… and yes, that is a VERY good thing. When you beat the Bald Bull, you knew that you were good – and you were the champion of the Major Circuit!

Fight Eight: Soda Popinski (33-2, 24 KOs)

"I can't drive, so I'm gonna walk all over you."

What is a late 80s videogame without a drunk Russian villain who cackles maniacally? Soda Popinski was that character in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! The stereotype was so complete that Soda’s skin was quite literally pink (even though it looked normal when he came into the ring). Soda was a tough fight for Little Mac, he used the drunken-style of boxing - weaving back and forth – but he could unleash some wicked jabs as well. Interestingly, despite Soda’s references to being drunk, Nintendo wasn’t willing to go all out as they had in the arcade where Soda’s name was Vodka Drunkenski. I fucking love that name. You can now find Soda Popinski hosting a cooking show right here.

Fight Nine: Mr. Sandman (27-2, 21 KOs)

"Bedtime for Little Mac!"

Now we are getting into the really, really tough fighters. The Sandman got hit with the same ugly gene that got to Bald Bull earlier in the game (in fact they maybe brothers from another mother like Mel Gibson and Danny Glover). In fact, I bet the Sandman and the Bald Bull are lost brothers that don’t know how to get rid of all their aggression so they ended up in boxing. There is something to be said about the genius of Nintendo to realize that to the majority of their audience being “put to bed” is a comprehensible, yet reprehensible form of abuse. As an interesting aside, Mr. Sandman was from Philly, and so was the Fresh Prince…

Fight Ten: Super Macho Man (35-0, 29 KOs)

"My super spin punch is totally tough!"

Something is up with Super Macho Man. In his photo, as you can see above, he is a grizzled old veteran with gray hair. Once he steps into the ring, he is a young surfer who uses words like “totally” without flinching. Other than that frightening leap in logic, there isn’t much negative you can say about Super Macho Man. That Super Spin Punch was very cool, and almost impossible to beat… did it ever hurt when he walked up to Mac’s crumpled body and laugh that surfer-dude laugh. It hurt so bad that I think every kid in North America tried to copy that Super Spin Punch on the schoolyard. That being said, Super Macho Man was a tremendous role model, saying things like: “I don't smoke... But tonight I'm gonna smoke you!”. The most distracting thing about Super Macho Man were his chest muscles that bounced around quite frequently, and were many children’s first introduction to “man-boobs”. Nothing in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! is as memorable as the first time you win this fight… the World Circuit Trophy joins the other two trophies on Mac’s mantle… and the newspaper headline reads:

KO NEWS - April 7th, 1987
A NEW CHAMP! "Last night we found a small but great champ,
his name is Little Mac."

Fight Eleven: Mike (motherfucking) Tyson (31-0, 27 KOs)

"They say I can't lose. I say you can't win!"

In 1987 Mike (Kid Dynamite) Tyson was unbeatable. The youngest undisputed champion in the history of boxing was also the hardest video-game boss ever created. One punch from Iron Mike and you are out. One-mazzafakking-punch! If you did manage to beat that gap-toothed psycho, he immediately says: “Great fighting!! You were tough, Mac!”, then in one of the greatest lines in videogame history he would say: “Never seen such finger speech before”. I really, really, really hope that Mike Tyson wrote that line himself, because it is absolutely insane, but for a ten-year-old it was one of the greatest compliments I had EVER heard. This was fucking Mike Tyson complimenting my video-game boxing skills, which was the closest I will ever come to Mike Tyson complimenting me personally (which has always been a dream of mine).

Fight Eleven (part II): Mr. Dream (99-0, 99 KOs)

"Everyone knows you're a transvestite and you love me. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend. I can't wait to get my hands on a pretty thing like you"

The Real Mike Tyson.

Everyone reading this blog knows that Mike Tyson’s life did not get better after 1987. In fact, Mike Tyson went absolutely fucking insane, and is now basically a “bad wrestler” who has infiltrated the boxing world. Even before he bit Evander Holyfield’s ear, he had a messy divorce and some rape accusations so Nintendo was more than happy to not renew his contract when it ran out in the early 90s. From that point on, Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! became Punch-Out!! featuring Mr. Dream, and basically was the same game except that the last guy was a really good white boxer instead of Mike Tyson.

Wow, that was a long article – for some funny Mike Tyson Punch-Out!! shit click here… and here (both from Gorillamask). I used this and this article extensively while researching this article.

Until next time… dream Little Mac… dream.

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 5

2006-02-01T11:33:00.000-05:00

Make Love*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 5

Howard Stern: 1-31-06

2006-02-01T10:03:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show
Chad Johnson interview today!

Seasonal “24” Ulcer - Part 4

2006-01-31T09:49:00.000-05:00

The theme of this week’s episode is “Love and Other Gobbledy Gook”, due to the overwhelming correlation between the amount of women near tears, and the amount of bile that built up in the back of my throat.
About five minutes into the episode I was thrown a curve ball when Reddie (my nickname for the trailer park girlfriend) alerts Jack of her impending release, followed quickly by her need to know if he will be coming back to her. Long story short, he doesn’t know lady. He’s Jack freakin’ Bauer. He has terrorists to fight, and it might take all day. Sheesh. Follow up this heartwarming scene with a frantic phone call, to Jack, from Audrey just seconds before he is to meet with Mike Novak to discuss matters of national security! For crying out loud lady, you have some wicked-ass bad timing. Like Jack has nothing else to think about besides whether or not he’s interested in boning you after this is all said and done. But, we managed to discover that yes, Jack still loves her. He never stopped loving her. Not for one minute. Barf. On the bright side, this of course means that Audrey will eventually die. Everyone that Jack loves dies. Did you see Season One? Maybe Nina will rise from the dead to do it.
On to the Gobbledy Gook: Oh dear President Logan, have people been making big decisions without you? I mean, just three hours ago I seem to recall you shouting “I don’t care how, just fix it!” and here we are, three hours later, and Cummings has thoughtfully figured out a way to frame a middle eastern country for having weapons of mass destruction, and all you can do is piss and cry about it. This is what scares the Hell out of me about Americans on TV - this idea of the greater good theme that plays out in so many movies and television shows. Sure some people had to die, collateral damage as they were referred to, but if you’re intentions were to help the country, well Hell, I guess you ARE a Patriot. Good thing the plan didn’t backfire and now the terrorist you thought was helping you is really killing all your “inside men” and taking off with several canisters of Military Grade Nerve Gas. Oh wait… shit…
Is anyone else frustrated by the President’s lack of a spine? How does this man stand up? Good thing Jack was there to tell him what’s what, and now it looks like this President (who has been behaving like a snotty nosed ten year old) will finally make some good decisions. Otherwise, Jack will have to cut his eyes out.
And to round out the hour, the love theme returns when Logan tried to apologize to the First Lady. I’m glad she presented him with her cheek. Wrong cheek in my opinion, but we know the subtext of that action. I felt like she should have had a line as she walked back into the White House, “Mamma’s home!”

~ Sassafrass

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 4

2006-01-31T09:45:00.000-05:00

Make Love*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 4

Howard Stern: 1-30-06

2006-01-31T09:42:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

Virginia Rodrigues

2006-01-30T16:35:00.000-05:00

This is an incredible album, Virginia Rodrigues' voice is not of this world, indescribable. Here is a quote from inkblot:
"Rodrígues, her mentor Caetano Veloso, and Celso Fonseca (an arranger and producer to rival Brian Wilson) have chosen popular Carnaval songs from Bahia - most of them invocations to various saints in the Afro-Brazilian candomblé religion - and recast them in classical terms. Tunes that are usually chanted to samba and afoxé rhythms by semi-literate and oppressed people suddenly reveal themselves to have the beauty and heft of mahogany, and Rodrigues' axe-sharp voice carves them into new forms of folksong sculpture."
If you appreciate vocal jazz, brazillian rythms or just beautiful, awe inspiring music... check this out.

Virginia Rodrigues - Nos

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 3

2006-01-30T16:24:00.000-05:00

Make Love*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 3

Howard Stern: 1-27-06

2006-01-30T11:02:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

The Cult

2006-01-27T18:44:00.000-05:00

Love this band, another influence from the Steel sisters. An often overlooked outfit, The Cult was a hard hitting, fist pumping rock band, somewhere between heavy metal and post punk goth. Forget the definitions, they rocked. Ian Astbury's voice is one of the best metal/rock voices around. These three albums are all you really need, the band went through many changes throughout the course of their career, and these are the top choice. If you like GnR, AC DC, The Doors, or just like the sound of Arena Rock, grab these.

The Cult - Love

The Cult - Electric

The Cult - Sonic Temple Pt.1, Pt.2

10 Worst Movie Posters of 2005, Part Two

2006-01-27T17:21:00.000-05:00

CLICK HERE TO SEE POSTERS 6-10

It looks like 2006 is the year of the once a week post, I will try to move faster but work is killing me… anyways, onto the 5 worst posters of 2005.

5: Doom

I fucking love the Rock. I think the Rundown and Walking Tall are two of the best action films of the past five years, and basically think except for the Mummy series the Rock has done no wrong (even in that shit movie Be Cool the Rock kicked ass). I didn’t go to see Doom. That is just wrong. I see A LOT of movies, and I really like stupid movies, but something about Doom rubbed me the wrong way from the very beginning. Oh yeah, another thing about me, I loved the videogame Doom – with the exception of Castle Wolfenstein, I can say that Doom was the first videogame I loved. Why didn’t I see this movie? Because it’s campaign did everything it could to make me not want to see this movie – like having stupid ass posters like the above. I actually like the gun in the front of the poster – it promises me that they will be faithful to the videogame and have some pretty bad ass camera shots (even if they might make me sick)… but the rest of this poster sucks. The crosshairs surrounding the alien don’t even make sense (just ask Dean Hardcore). The alien looks like a cheap ass and slow version of the alien from the Alien series – are you kidding me? The Alien movies are sci-fi royalty; you can’t just use that image as if nobody is going to notice it. I know Doom takes place in hell, but the red they chose looks more like McDonalds red than anything mean. “Hell Breaks Loose” is an ass-tagline that makes me think of the Rock in Kindergarten Cop. Now look at that Silent Hill poster. It’s not flaunting that it is a videogame, but it stays faithful to the mood of the videogame. Really it is just creepy as fuck, and that’s all it should be. This is already in the running for 2006 Poster of the Year.

4: Fun with Dick and Jane

I really don’t know why I hate this poster so much, but I REALLY, REALLY hate it. I don’t really have any rational reason, and that’s what stops it from being higher on my list, but I rally think this could be the poster I hate the most this year. To preserve my integrity I left it as the fourth worst movie poster of the year. I’ve thought about this a lot and all I can come up with is that Jim Carrey can get away with that goofy smile/smirk that he has on, Tea Leoni can not. In fact, in this poster Tea Leoni looks like the worst actor in the history of film (and I liked her in Flirting with Disaster a lot). I am getting angry so I am just going to talk about how great that Raising Arizona poster is. Everything about this poster is amazing. I love Nicholas Cage’s hair. I love the Polaroid look. I love their fucking lawnchairs. I love the baby’s sunglasses. I love how Holly Hunter’s hair is in a towel. I love the cheesy neon colouring of the title treatment. I love the tagline(s). Okay, I have calmed down a little and now I can move on.

3: Flightplan

You know, I never thought about it before, but after thinking long and hard about my hatred for the Fun with Dick and Jane poster and then getting angry when I looked at this poster maybe I really don’t like clenched teeth... interesting. Anyways, this poster is trying to cash in on Jodie Foster’s (yeah, Jodie-mazzafakking-Foster) star power because there is nothing else to really go on. It does say Flightplan so you assume it’s about a plan, but it could be an Airport, there is no idea. And what’s with her face? She has beautiful piercing eyes, and she is definitely not happy, but is she sad? Confused? Horny? Also, once you figure out Jodie Foster is on a plane, doesn’t the movie become exactly like Panic Room? All in all a weak poster. The Red-Eye poster is not amazing, but I think it is scary and bold in that it doesn’t flaunt Rachel McAdams (who is much nicer to look at than Jodie Foster). I also really like the font they use for the tagline (which is okay, the title basically is a kick ass tagline) and the actors names. This whole campaign was awkward to watch, but overall really well done.

2: Because of Winn Dixie

I think this is some sort of ‘celebrated best-selling’ book, but I have never heard of it before this movie came out, but then again I am not an American so I don’t really know what’s up with the US educational system. I like dogs a lot, but I hate this dog. I hate its perky ears and human-like smirk. I really hate how that dog is worth more money than me right now. Jeff Daniels… you were THE fucking Dude, and now you end up in this movie – Disney better have some pretty fucked up pictures of you or I will not be able to forgive you for this. Remember, it’s not all about the money, the dude abides. The little girl sitting in front of Jeff Daniels looks creepy in the Dakota Fanning “I’m-an-adult-but-I-am-less-than-ten” kind of way that I am sure will creep the shit out of me if I am ever kidnapped and forced to watch this movie or I will have my eyes cut out. I don’t care if that isn’t Dave Matthews from the Dave Matthews band (or if it is), I have come to hate everyone whose name is Dave Matthews. I couldn’t find a good comparison poster so I chose a Pee-Wee poster because Pee-Wee kicks ass.

1: House of D

Wow. They are so wildly off base in this campaign that I couldn’t even come up with a comparison poster that made sense. I can’t say anything more about this poster because I just threw up all over my keyboard.

P.S. I hate Robin Williams

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 2

2006-01-27T13:26:00.000-05:00

Make Love*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 2

Howard Stern: 1-26-06

2006-01-27T10:48:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

Prison Songs

2006-01-26T18:07:00.000-05:00

Haven't seen the movie but love the man. Had a request from Lady Jay this morning for a little Johnny Cash, or cowboy music as she called it. Hope y'all can dig it.

Johnny Cash - At Folsom Prison

Johnny Cash - Inside a Swedish Prison

Make Love... the Bruce Campbell Way

2006-01-26T12:46:00.000-05:00

Perhaps this incredible photo will inspire Frank Steel to do an article on head shots. This is a near perfect example. Look at the intensity in his eyes, burning through perfectly sculpted eyebrows. The intensity is offset by a glint which suggests mystery. He is wearing the standard black shirt, so as to not distract from the facial features, obviously a real turtle neck would be better, but a mock turtle still says thespian. The hair has great body, and looks solid like a helmet. A deliberate choice was made here to use the 3/4 profile, thus accentuating his dominating chin and jaw line. All these elements combine to create a lasting impression, this guy screams leading man, but he could also play villain. This is a top shelf headshot, guaranteed to make a splash on any producer's desk. But the knock-out punch is the beam of light emanating from the top left corner of the pic. Not only do the lines of light suggest movement, speed, this is the fastest actor you'll ever see, they also wash over the actor bathing him in an angelic light. In fact the whole presentation suggest that this actor has emerged from the light, cut through the darkness, and he is here for your salvation should you choose to accept it...This actor is none other than Bruce Campbell.Not only has Bruce had an incredible career (check his website for credentials) as an actor he is also a successful novelist. His first novel, "If Chins Could Kill" his a hilarious autobiography of the trials and tribulations of his life and career as a B-Movie actor. I haven't heard/read this new one yet, but I imagine this is going to be even better than his first. Read by Bruce Campbell himself I present the first disk of...

Make Love*The Bruce Campbell Way

Howard Stern: 1-25-06

2006-01-26T09:45:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

Ween Wednesday Pt.5

2006-01-25T18:53:00.000-05:00

The last posting for Ween Wednesday, I hope it has been educational and enlightening. This is Ween's most recent album, great of course. Today, I'm a man of few words so I'll let the music talk for itself.

Ween - Shinola Vol.1

Theatre of the New Ear

2006-01-25T11:52:00.000-05:00

Not really an audio book, officially titled a "sound play", this is great stuff. Developed by the Coen Bros. and Composer Carter Burwell, the production is comprised of two very unique stories. "Sawbones" by the Coens, and "Hope Leaves the Theatre" by Charlie Kaufman, both amazing, enjoy!

Theatre of The New Ear

Howard Stern: 1-24-06

2006-01-25T09:35:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

Autumn Thunder...In January

2006-01-24T16:43:00.000-05:00

The Autumn Wind

"The Autumn wind is a pirate
Blustering in from sea
With a rollicking song he sweeps along
Swaggering boisterously

His face is weather beaten
He wears a hooded sash

With his silver hat about his head
And a bristly black moustache

He growls as he storms the country
A villain big and bold

And the trees all shake and quiver and quake
As he robs them of their gold

The Autumn wind is a Raider
Pillaging just for fun

He'll knock you 'round and upside down
And laugh when he's conquered and won"

Although not a Raider's fan I appreciate the glory captured in this famous NFL Films poem. It's that time of year again, with the Superbowl less than 2 weeks away, now is the time to bask in the glory that is football. I don't want to talk about this years playoffs, this post is about the myth that is the NFL. The myth that has been captured and propagated by the incredible NFL Films. The incredible (often slow motion) footage can make every play and epic battle to the death between good and evil. NFL Films elevated the sport to something larger than life, beautiful and savage, a dance or pure destruction. A big part of emotional punch was due to the music. AMAZING music, and this collection spans the entire catalogue. From the classic marching tunes to funky soul in the 70's, there is something for everyone. If nothing else it will get you fired up for football, I guarantee it. So to prep for the upcoming Superbowl, here is my greatest torrent find yet...The complete box set of Music from NFL Films: Autumn Thunder.

Autumn Thunder:
40 Years of NFL Films Music
Pt.1
Pt.2
Pt.3
Pt.4
Pt.5
Pt.6

The Anansi Boys: Disc 8

2006-01-24T10:00:00.000-05:00

Neil Gaiman - Anansi Boys Disc 8

Howard Stern: 1-23-06

2006-01-24T09:27:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

Seasonal “24” Ulcer - Part 3

2006-01-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

Okay. So, I was wrong. It’s not about nuclear weapons at all. It’s about biohazard-weapons. I just figured with the signing of the Treaty, that it would be a good tie-in. But, I suppose that’s why I’m not a writer for “24”, I’m just a viewer.
And trust me, it’s a hard job to do! Watching this show is like nothing else I experience in my life. At no other time do I feel the anxiety, nervousness and arousal that I do when watching Jack and his team fight terrorists. I had several moments last night when I felt like pulling my hair out, and below are my top four.
1) Cummings makes mention of an insider working at CTU who will “take care of” Jack Bauer. Don’t tell me this and then go to a three minute commercial break! What are you trying to do to me?! Putting aside the fact that I absolutely loathe the President at this point - at least he’s not trying to kill Jack. However, this finally sheds light on who the enemy is. In Jack’s words, “I’ll get Cummings myself.” I bet you will Jack - I bet you will.
2) Wolfe Spencer… Spencer Wolfe - whatever this guy’s name is, I find it fitting. Wolf in sheep’s clothing. Very ironic. Nice choice of character name. At one moment I felt bad for him last night, when Chloe went on one of her insane rants about how she knows everything and everyone else is stupid. Especially men. I mean, has anyone else noticed this? Tip Chloe: If you want a gentleman caller to call again, you’re better off trying to tempt him with compliments about his manhood, and not tell him what a child he is. I’m no expert… I’m just suggesting. You get more flies with honey than vinegar…that’s all. And then the very next moment I hate Spencer because HE’S THE MOLE!
3) The Love Triangle. I’m sure that this will play out in a way that will both repulse and annoy me. I’m all for Jack getting some action, but I certainly don’t want to watch him battle over which of these two whiny, dependent women he’ll end up with. Hopefully someone will die, in order to make the choice easier for him. He’s got terrorists to stop - he doesn’t need this kind of distraction right now.
4) Did you play the game? I won this week too. I assumed that since Jack was being taken to CTU, that he wouldn’t have a chance to kill anyone. Boy was I wrong! Did you catch those last ten minutes when the gun-tooting IT terrorist and Jack had a brawl? And then Jack got kicked in the ribs (“I think he broke my rib!” and yet he keeps on going!), and then he stabbed that guy in the throat with surgical scissors!!! Effing scissors my friend. Very hot. Very hot and resourceful. Play along next week - I bet he offs at least two guys.
In closing, it’s looks like my favorite one-woman-crazy show is at it again. My beloved First Lady. I don’t know about you, but a trip to Vermont doesn’t sound all that bad to me. But, apparently my bitch ain’t goin’ down like that. She got all wily and jumped out the window of her bathroom. Pretty good for a broad in her fifties. Honestly, just when I think I’ve found all the admiration I can muster for this lady, she goes and skips out on her husband. The freakin’ President of the United States! He’s so horrendous that she jumps out a window, in order to avoid being near him.
If only we could all do the same.

~ Sassafrass

Yann Tiersen les Retrouvailles

2006-01-23T18:40:00.000-05:00

Some more Yann, to listen to while smoking Gauloise cigarettes and drinking Pernod. Short and sweet, here you are.

Yann Tiersen - Les Retrouvailles

Yann Tiersen - The Black Session

The Anansi Boys: Disc 7

2006-01-23T10:52:00.000-05:00

Neil Gaiman - Anansi Boys Disc 7

Howard Stern: 1-20-06

2006-01-23T10:09:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

The Buck Stops Here

2006-01-20T20:24:00.000-05:00

This guy is one of my favorites. Something between a folk singer and rapper, a story teller and a minstrel, a poet and a preacher. I've seen him a few times over the years, from way back in the day when he was half of the Halifax based hip-hop ensemble, Sebutones. Then more recently on his "Talkin Honky Blues" tour. He has evolved from a rapper into a true poet. Buck 65 attributes his unique style to the local bingo caller, rather than a classic rap master. It would be hard to call these albums true hip hop, Buck has created something of a new genre. The first 2 are his most recent album, "This Right Here is Buck 65" is something of a remixed/reworked/replayed and has a few new tunes as well. Well it's Friday, enjoy the music and the weekend.

Buck 65 - Talkin' Honkey Blues Pt.1, Pt.2

Buck 65 - Secret House Against the World

Buck 65 - This Right Here Is...

10 Worst Movie Posters of 2005, Part One

2006-01-20T18:57:00.000-05:00

Previously I have discussed what I believe are the ten best posters of 2005. In my discussions, I gave several reasons for loving a poster and I have just as many reasons for hating a poster. Many times I realized that if I really liked a movie I often really liked the poster; I have only seen two movies that appear on my 10 worst poster list and I actually really liked one of them so my personal biases aren’t as strong. To change things up, and to help me explain myself, I am going to put a good poster that is trying to convey the same message beside the crap poster to emphasize the crappiness that the poster exudes. Before I get to the crap posters, check out this kickass poster from defamer.com:

10: Ladies in Lavender

Okay, this is one of these posters that could be way higher on the list, but it’s hard to knock it because this movie is what this poster is, something made for your mother (or grandmother), and I kind of like the lavender colour (fuck off make your own list). It’s weird, this movie is almost like a disease because I despised the title as well until I started thinking about it and now I have convinced myself that it’s not bad. Obviously this poster repulses 90% of the population, and it is really hard to do anything else. That’s why I put it up against Gosford Park, a much better movie, but also a much better poster. I’m going to stop talking about this movie because next thing you know I’ll like it.

9: Bee Season

I like intelligent movies, and I like popcorn crap, what I hate is pretentious bullshit, and that’s what this poster is screaming. From looking at this poster I can make a million assumptions about this movie (none of which may be true), and they all feel clichéd. Juliette Binoche is disconnected… we can’t even get a clean look at her because of all the crap in the foreground. She is probably on prescription drugs but continues to drink despite the protestations of her family. Richard Gere is distant and cold. He can’t even make eye contact with the camera, or any member of his family. I think he has a good heart, but something needs to happen to reawaken him. The daughter’s eyes are closed so she is obviously smart. She is by far the biggest character on the poster so everybody else’s life will be affected by what she does. Fuck this poster. All I need to say about The Squid and the Whale poster is check out that tagline: “Joint Custody Blows.” They could have the exact same image as Bee Season (thankfully they do something much cooler) and it would still be a better poster.

8: The Great Raid

I really liked the Great Raid – it feels very much like a movie that was made in the 60s when war was an acceptable horror. I know that in the age of Jarhead it is really hard to sell a movie that doesn’t make war morally repugnant (and I am not talking shit about Jarhead, in fact, I probably liked Jarhead more than Great Raid). I also know that when Benjamin Bratt is your biggest star it isn’t easy to make a normal movie poster. But there is no excuse for this disgusting poster. The image is bad enough; it doesn’t look like a movie poster it looks like a military recruiting ad. But what really gets me is the tagline, which is far too long for me to type out in its entirety, and which is actually 3 taglines in one. You’ve got “The Most Daring Rescue Mission Ever”, and “The Greatest Story Never Told”, and “The Rescue Mission that Defined Our Time”; all three separately are bad, together they are an abomination. Again, check out the dual tagline on the other poster; both “The First Casualty of War is Innocence”, and “When I Die Bury Me Upside Down so the World can Kiss My…” send chills down my spine.

7: Serenity

I simply do not get Serenity. I never watched the TV show, barely watched Buffy and think that the whole thing looks like an absolute joke. I don’t know who the hell that girl is, but she looks kind of cute and kickass with that gun so I can’t really knock her (except that if she really was cute and they didn’t want me to be squinting at the computer screen trying to figure out if she was hot then they could have done something a little more overtly sexual). I hate the dude in the top corner; he looks like a cross between Charlie Sheen and Charlie Sheen’s asshole. I guess they couldn’t replace the cast of the TV show because it wasn’t popular enough to keep running on TV, but how do you expect to get a new audience with an assface like that as your leading man? I won’t even mention that ridiculous tagline which is so generic I forget it before I can even write it down, but what the hell is with the stupid words such as “Fugitive, Assassin, Rebel” splattered throughout the poster. Look at the Matrix poster – it is cheesy as well, but it feels meaner, leaner and cooler.

6: Coach Carter

My hatred for the Coach Carter poster is completely irrational. Every once in a while I see something that for some reason rubs me the wrong way and that is this poster. I have grown to hate the “world-is-moving-fast-except-for-one-man” look (I can’t think of another poster off hand that has this look, but I know that it is painfully common). I have grown to hate the “foot-on-the-basketball-give-me-respect” pose that Samuel Jackson is in. I have grown to hate the images that are on the bottom of the poster that show hate, love, power, respect, every emotion that this movie is going to make a hot-button issue. I have trouble with self-righteous Samuel Jackson as well (of course this does not include Pulp Fiction, where he was “bad-ass-motherfucking-self-righteous”). “It Begins on the Streets. It Ends Here.” What the hell does that mean anyways? Check out how fucking cool Denzel is in this He Got Game poster. Furthermore, “the Father, the Son and the Holy Game” has to be one of the best taglines ever.

The Anansi Boys: Disc 6

2006-01-20T11:33:00.000-05:00

Neil Gaiman - Anansi Boys Disc 6

Howard Stern: 1-19-06

2006-01-20T10:22:00.000-05:00

The Howard Stern Radio Show

Koala Revisited

2006-01-19T18:59:00.000-05:00

Ok guys and dolls, this is a beauty. I stumbled across this a little while ago, it's close to finding pure gold. I'm not exaggerating, I almost couldn't post this one, I kept listening to it in my dark cave muttering "Precious, oh my Precious", but I'm OK now! This is the first known recording by Kid Koala, a mix TAPE, for real from way back. Koala literally hits record on the tape deck and plays his set from start to finish. That said, this is very close to the live shows I was seeing in Montreal around the same time. It is a great example of his fun and creative approach to the tables, and unlike a lot of his later stuff the tracks on this tape are BUMPIN, as in you can shake your rump. I remember a cute girl in my residence having this tape, it was so worn down that it was practically unplayable but we still rocked it. So now it is preserved forever in digital glory, the sound quality is not amazing, it is a tape after all, but the tunes are fantastic, enjoy.

Kid Koala - Scratchcratchcratchcratch

The Anansi Boys: Disc 5

2006-01-19T11:09:00.000-05:00

Neil Gaiman - Anansi Boys Disc 5
for some reason i didn't post the first chapter of disc 4 yesterday, for anyone looking for it, ta da.
Anansi Boys Disc 4: Chapter 1

Howard Stern: 1-18-06

2006-01-19T09:40:00.000-05:00

The Howard Stern Radio Show

Ween Wednesday Pt.4

2006-01-18T18:19:00.000-05:00

Part 4 of Ween Wednesday has arrived again, and this is probably the best post so far. Today we have two killer albums. "White Pepper" is the album I'm least familiar with, but from what I have heard I can say this, it is the most calm and normal of all the albums I have posted thus far. It stands as the one album by Ween that sounds like it was released by a normal band, no arching theme, very little crazy experimentation. Of course some of the lyrics are way out there and hilarious, and the music is fantastic as usual. I'll just say that this would be a good album to loan someone who has never heard of Ween or doesn't think they'll like them because they are too weird.
The next album, Ween's second latest release "Quebec", is probably my favorite of the discography. Within its pretty cover we find a Ween that has returned to their boundary pushing roots. The first time I heard this album was at 2am after a friends wedding, a few people came back to my house after the event including my good friend Scott the Snake and his girl. In a drunken haze I remember Scott blasting "Mr. Fancy Pants", and suddenly his girl has no shirt on...I digress. Other amazing tracks include "Happy colored Marbles" and "The Argus" a Styx-esque jam that's brilliant. Enjoy this one it is amazing.

Ween - White Pepper

Ween - Quebec

Seasonal "24" Ulcer pt.2

2006-01-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

The following was written between 10:00pm and 11:00pm.
What an amazing couple of hours we were treated to this Monday. Being it it’s fifth season, and playing on a convention that could easily become tired and boring, this show manages to grab my attention every minute of the way, and never let go!
The Russian terrorists threatened the lives of several hostages in an attempt to prevent the signing of a Rest To Arms Treaty between Russia and the United States. You have to take them seriously you see, for they are wearing bomb vests. They mean business. They are also willing to kill men with wives. Tsk tsk.
One of my favorite aspects of this show is it’s ability to show me new ways to use technology I have in my own home. For example: Last night Jack used his camera phone to take pictures of the terrorists and send them to CTU. And you’ve been using them to send nude photos of yourself to your girlfriend. Shame on you. That is why Jack is a better person than all of us.
However, he is getting soft in his old age. The old Jack would have shot the son himself. He certainly would not have risked the lives of so many others in order for his current shag’s offspring to live. Sheesh. Come on Jack! And then to let yourself be taken into custody. I can’t be too mad about this though. At least I got to see him on his knees for the majority of the show. Moving on…
My new favorite character, the First Lady, is truly becoming my idol. She is the classiest woman on television. Here, I’ll just take this incredibly important document and slip it into my blouse. Please note my lace bra, that perfectly matches the lace on my thigh high stockings. If you got it, flaunt it. Her husband on the other hand is going to prove to be more than I can bare this season. The writers of “24” need to take note: If President Logan has another irrational outburst where is orders his assistants to “fix it”, I will loose my mind. However, if this is all a build up, to his inevitable demise, than I suppose I can tolerate another few hours of his presence.
The biggest news of the night was the addition of Sean Astin to the cast as the newly appointed leader at CTU from Division. Proving himself right away by catching,“I’m in a flank two position” (a very sexy position indeed Jack), as a distress signal. I love you Samwise, keep up the good work.
During the climax of the evening, and the moment when I literally thought I would bite my nails off all the way down to the first knuckle, CTU blows through a wall of the airport and saves the day - well the hour. I would like to take this moment to begin the official body count challenge. I play this game every year, when I decide on Monday evening if I think Jack will kill more or less people than he did the week before. In this case, I won. I anticipated that he would kill more than the one guy he killed on Sunday, and he did. He shot three men, and one of them IN THE WRIST! Did you SEE that?! I had to pause the tape and take a moment to file the image in the spank bank. Moving on…
As a closing thought: Beware the man in the yellow tie. He is not your fellow hostage - he is a terrorist himself! I just knew this whole thing was going to be about nuclear weapons. Didn’t you?
by Sassafrass

The Anansi Boys: Disc 4

2006-01-18T11:45:00.000-05:00

Neil Gaiman - Anansi Boys Disc 4

Howard Stern: 1-17-06

2006-01-18T08:46:00.000-05:00

The Howard Stern Radio Show

Fast Fashion

2006-01-17T18:31:00.000-05:00

This is definitely a desert island album, another one that I've owned several times and has been "borrowed" and repurchased too often. Depeche Mode's "101" is a definitive collection of the band's early work, and it's live! The crowd is massive, recorded at the Rose Bowl, in Pasadena, CA. It is an epic, 80's, arena event with a mass of fans just going crazy. As soon as I hear the epic futuristic intro "Pimpf" I get chills. This might just be the best live album of all time. This was one of the first cd's I owned and I listened the hell out it, so much in fact that I prefer most of these song versions to their album counterparts. "Somebody" is one of the best love songs of all time, hearing it live gives it even more power. I have to thank Frank Steel's older sisters for imprinting their musical tastes on my brain when I was growing up, not many other 12 year old kids were digging The Smiths, The Cure, New Order, etc. Enjoy this selection, it's eighties synth rock at its peak.

Depeche Mode - 101

Disc 1, Disc 2

Howard Stern: 1-16-06

2006-01-17T11:18:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

The Anansi Boys: Disc 3

2006-01-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

Neil Gaiman - Anansi Boys
Disc 3

Howard Stern: 1-13-06

2006-01-16T08:40:00.000-05:00

The Howard Stern Radio Show

Seasonal "24" Ulcer

2006-01-16T07:25:00.000-05:00

A feature article from Sassafrass, an avid 24 viewer and expert. I have never had a chance to watch a whole season, but I like what I've seen.The February blahs can not touch me this year, because I have Jack Bauer and the team at CTU to keep me company on those cold Monday nights. A new season of "24" began last night - in case you have been living on the moon, and missed the month long ad campaign by Fox, alerting you to the fact. With it brought some friendly faces, evil enemies and new terrorists. And what a day it is going to be!
Jack had assumed a new identity, but still looked pissed off about it, in that sexy "I'm a tortured man and only you can tame me Sass" kind of way. Which is flattering.
Within the first five minutes the beloved ex-President, David Palmer, was shot in the throat and killed! I literally had to put down my wine and cup my mouth with my hand. shocked. Then, two minutes later Michelle Dressler was blown away, and her husband (so glad those kids worked out their issues from last season), Tony Almeida, was "critically injured".I was THAT Remember folks, this is the same man who was shot in the neck two seasons ago, and kept working only two hours after surgery. He's a trooper, he's not dead. Fear not.
Within twenty-five minutes Jack was in action, hijacking a helicopter to save Chloe (who got some action from the hot new CTU agent - lucky gal!). I personally hope that this is the season that Chloe finally kicks it, but it seems unlikely as she is the only person at CTU who knows how to operate a computer. Something she's all too willing to tell you every chance she gets. And while we're thinking of CTU computer operators... Is it just me, or has Edgar been emotionally eating after the death of his mother? I'm just saying.
The following are my favorite moments from last night's two hour premiere:
1) Jack shoots the sniper who assassinated David Palmer, after a full confession. That was hot. Thank God there was a commercial after that moment, so that I could take the time to bank the image in my mental fantasy file. This moment was followed by my favorite line of the night, "The only reason you're still conscious, is because I don't want to carry you."
2) The current President, Logan, is the same irresponsible, power hungry, bastard we all know and hate. The only difference this time is that he is joined by a pill-popping, mentally unstable First Lady. It's good to see an ex-"Designing Women" star getting a shot to play crazy. I already love her. Unfortunately, this means she will likely be disposed of half-way through the season. Everyone I love dies... on 24.
3) I'm interested in the man in the TV room, who seems to be running the terrorist intelligence. Who is this man? What are his dreams? What are his ambitions? What is his favorite colour? And, why is he working with the swarmy President's assistant, when it seems clear to me that President Logan is more than capable of destroying his county all on his own.
The second episode ended with Jack obtaining an address at the Ontario Airport, and becoming the only person inside the building whom the terrorists seem unaware of. I'm sure this will prove useful to CTU. Oh yeah, his girlfriend's kid is one of the hostages too.
My ulcer is already the size of a golf-ball. Tune in tonight, it's regular night, to see the final two hours of this season's premiere...

The Anansi Boys: Disc 2

2006-01-16T07:24:00.000-05:00

Neil Gaiman - The Anansi Boys
Disc 2

Friday the 13th

2006-01-13T18:19:00.000-05:00

Strange day today, let me break it down for you. So I work on a television show, today is doomed to be the longest shooting day of the season, we have about three episodes to finish up in one day. This is bad luck - Friday the 13th. One of our grips (guys that move lights, gear, stand around smoke and eat) had just bought a brand new mercedes then his sketchy girlfriend spray paints his car and he calls the police on her, police come to the studio, this is bad luck - Friday the 13th. Finally, the Make-up department has hired a male stripper to perform during lunch for one of the girls birthday. This is odd, not your normal workday - Friday the 13th. So probably there are some people out there with stranger Friday the 13th stories, lay em on me.

DJ Signify - Sleep No More
This is a spooky hip-hop concept album in the tradition of Dr. Octagon. Sparse beats, eerie samples underlay what is designed as a horror movie soundtrack to a movie that has never been made. But the best part of this album are the MC's, Sage Francis and Buck 65. Two of the most prolific and poetic rappers in the arena today, and together on the same album? Damn. For anyone unfamiliar with either of these 2, actually three artists check this out, good and scary for Friday the 13th.

Neil Gaiman - Anansi Boys

This is a book on tape, not an album. Frank Steel has been begging for this post for weeks now so I'm starting today. With all of the music blogs out there I have yet to find an audio book site, which I desperately want. If anyone knows of such a site let me know! This is the first CD of eight that I will be posting each day. Neil Gaiman is a tremendous author and this is his latest novel. Somewhere between fact and fantasy, Gaiman explores the worlds in between light and dark, life and death, with humour and insight. I like all his books, and I love his graphic novel series "Sandman". Check this story out for an interesting read (or listen).

Howard Stern: 1-12-06

2006-01-13T10:05:00.000-05:00

The Howard Stern Radio Show
Anyone listening to these downloads has to hit this website and sign this petition. For those of you that don't know, for some crazy reason Stern is not available on Canada's Sirius satelite system, hence these posts. If you think it's crazy that a pay service is being censored sign this now!

Mark & Wes - Sound and Vision

2006-01-12T18:46:00.000-05:00

In a very odd seguey to yesterdays post, Mark Mothersbaugh has actually scored music for Target's (Department Store) SpongeBob Squarepants commercial, believe it or not. Mark is a composer, for film and television AND he was also the lead singer of DEVO. Here is a great interview with the man himself, very inciteful.

Wes Anderson is one of the best new directors working today, and one of the few that could be called auteurs. He has a very distinct visual style, and humour that are prevelant in all his works. The storylines are often complex and compelling, emotional journeys on the brink of absurdity. Wild characters in normal situations, and normal characters in insane scenarios. I am a big fan of all three of these movies, plus "Bottle Rockets". There are three things I champion Anderson for above all else. First, I credit him for resurecting Bill Murray's career (amazing in all films). Second, his films always have two endings and I'm serious, there is always a point where the film could end, but then continues in a completely new direction for another 20 minutes (I know this strange tendency drives some people crazy). Finally, Anderson's intensely melodramatic use of music in all his films, from the "real" tracks to Mothersbaugh's brilliant compositions. And here are the soundtracks, enjoy.

Various Artists - Rushmore Soundtrack

Various Artists - The Royal Tenenbaums Soundtrack

Various Artists - The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Life Sucks for Frank Steel

2006-01-12T18:30:00.000-05:00

I've been too busy to do much these last couple of weeks, so I figured it was time to post a couple of amazing videos I've stumbled across recently. But first, check out this letter from Chuck Norris' website:

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.

~ Chuck Norris

Yes, this is real, check here.

Then to celebrate your love for Chuck, click here (from gorillamask).

Finally, I was talking to Sumo while watching this Family Guy clip and he had never seen the original version of Rocketman by William Shatner that Family Guy was spoofing. If you have never seen this, be prepared to witness the greatest moment of television history here (both clips via Devil Ducky).

I hopefully will have another post tomorrow.

Howard Stern: 1-11-06

2006-01-12T09:44:00.000-05:00

The Howard Stern Radio Show

Ween Wednesday Pt.3

2006-01-11T18:40:00.000-05:00

Yes it has returned, Ween Wednesday Volume 3. Like a bad dream for some, or a favorite weekly cafeteria special for others, Ween is still coming at you. If you are eating in the caf today the special is fish and beef, let's begin with the fish. First of all the album covers are bigger today, because I think these are both nice looking and worth seeing. I'm also curious to know if anyone out there has actually been grabbing all of these albums, if so let me know if you're converted or a born again fan. If ot at the very least enjoy the goods, cheers.

The disgusting leviathan of the deep was actually the first Ween album I owned. It starts of with a SpongeBob on acid type theme, (Strangely enough, Ween ended up doing music for SpongeBob Squarepants). The next tune, the title track, is one of my all time favorites, reminiscent of 70's prog rock, sets the tone for the whole album. Through an ocean/underwater theme Ween swims through this prog rock approach, of course with many liberties. This is probably the best orchestrated album from these guys, very complex.

Ween - The Mollusk

And now the Beef. This album got a lot of flack when it was released but really the only complaint I have is that it only has ten songs! It is a complete genre album this time, ranging from "tear in my beer" style ballads, to foot stomping, line dancing rock, or even saloon style vaudeville. "12 Golden Country Greats" is like a Coen Bros. movie. If you have seen their films (Miller's Crossing, Fargo, etc.) you'll know what I mean. Basically they take a genre turn it on it's head and the result is a hilarious masterpiece. And there is something really weird about seeing the Parental Advisory sticker on this classic looking cover.

Ween - 12 Golden Country Greats

The Urban Hunter Returns

2006-01-11T15:12:00.000-05:00

The Urban Hunter Returns

I have returned a little later than hoped from my mountain celebration with Elsbeth, for reasons I’ll explain later. Here’s a picture that Elsbeth took of me as I was heading out.

As I was on my way out to the mountains, tracking a polar bear with my new GPS tracking dart system, some lunatic kept ambushing me and yelling “Mazzafakka” and screaming about how he was going to shoot my balls off. Luckily he wasn’t a very good shot and obviously wasn’t very experienced at tracking, because he kept missing me and I was able to lose him pretty easily. But then just as I was closing in on my own target, he caught me off guard and shot off one of my right toes. And then as I was trying to stop the bleeding he stole half my equipment, leaving me only with my Smith & Wesson Magnum, my axe and the squirrel balls. I don’t have much to recognize him by other than this pic I snapped right before he pulled out a gun and shot me, and that he smelled like a hippy.

The plus side to losing my toe and half my equipment is that this seemed to satisfy my stalker because I didn’t see him again after that (except for one time I coulda’ sworn I saw him looking through a pair of binoculars at me while I was changing) After the attack, I was no longer able to hunt down a polar bear, so I just went straight to the mountain and started building the igloo and hanging the squirrel balls for Elsbeth’s arrival.

Now since the lunatic had stolen my watch as well, we totally lost track of time and ended up staying out there way longer than planned… and now I'm writing to you from the hospital where I'm being treated for gangrene on my toe. So for this week I’ve found a lost article from Halloween last year, although I don’t remember writing it…

Hallowe’en ‘05

I may or may not have had shrooms slipped into my raccoon stew last night. I have sent the remainder of it to my friend Montana to do some tests in his basement lab, so we should all find out soon. By the time whatever it was in my stew had kicked in I was also pretty drunk, because it was Halloween after all. So I decided to go out and do some hunting.

Now I didn’t know exactly what I was hunting, all I knew was that I needed to kill something, so I had to make sure I was prepared for anything that might come my way. I started by strapping my M-1 .45 Colt/.410 Derringer into my ankle holster, then I followed that up with two Smith & Wesson Model 1911 Pistols in my thigh holsters. Then I strapped my Remington 870 MCS Shotgun into my shoulder holster, which is great because it allows me to assemble the system as an Accessory Weapon, a Ballistic Breaching Tool, a CQB Weapon or a High-Capacity Conventional Shotgun so I would be ready for any situation. I also strapped on my 15mm CO2 Hypodermic Tranquilizer Dart Gun into a concealed shoulder holster under my vest. Then I slipped my Folding Alpha Hunter Knife into the back of my pants and put a few Model 36 Mills Bomb Hand Grenades into my pockets and I was ready to go.

What happened next was beyond anything I had ever seen out in the field before. There were urban animals everywhere, some of them were even as big as me… and they didn’t have the usual fear of humans that wild animals have. I decided that I had to get to a more remote area, so I climbed into a nearby tree and took out my Remington shotgun in preparation to hold off these insane rabid animals that had taken over my city.

I swear I shot a Care Bear, and possibly a blue Alien in a giant clear bubble at one point in the night. I also managed to capture a large male bird specimen with bright pink feathers in my net that I had set up earlier in the week. I decided not to kill this one right away, so I shot him with a few tranquilizer darts and I dragged him home where I tied him up in the basement so I could study him sometime later today.

The rest of the night is mostly a blur, but at the end of the night I had used up all my grenades and ammo… I’m just glad I made it home alive. So take this as a warning fellow urban hunters… until I can figure out what happened, be careful out there!

Dean Hardcore

Howard Stern: 1-10-06

2006-01-11T09:12:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show

The Wu Part 2

2006-01-10T18:26:00.000-05:00

Not sure why I'm hitting you with two days of Wu-related releases, but I always marvel at this group. There is nothing I can say about these guys that hasn't already been said. Look for an in depth analysis by Duggy Digital in the comments section. First up is another quality release from Think Differently Music, Wu Tang Clan "The Lost Anthology" is a must have for all fans. I think I saw this first on www.smokingsection.net, top notch site for all things hip-hop. Combining a blend of rare, unreleased and freestyle tracks this album is guaranteed to bop you. Lots of Ol' Dirty material, its amazing to hear him freestyle, using his crazy, "James Brown on Crack" vocal flow.

Wu Tang Clan - The Lost Anthology
Disc One: Pt.1, Pt.2
Disc Two

I found this killer live recording of the Wu last week on Schrikdraad. Click here for the link to the album. I've also seen it on Stylesbythegram, thanks for the pic and the tracklist. Thanksgiving, 2005 all the old boys are on this one (minus Ol' Dirty obviously) backed up by a live band, El Michels Affair. I usually don't like posting links from other sites, but I know Duggy Digital won't be able to find this otherwise.

Howard Stern: 1-09-06

2006-01-10T09:27:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern gets Sirius, first show

Howard Stern Radio Show

Short and Sweet

2006-01-09T18:59:00.000-05:00

Monday... No time today for much of a post, here are 2 albums I found on the weekend. Hope you enjoy.

Ghostface Killah and Trife Da God - Put it on the Line
A solid album released in December, always love Ghostface, and Trife Da God has some chops.

RZA - The World According To RZA pt.1 & pt.2
If you can handle rap in different languages check this album out. RZA takes his beats to Europe and lays them down for some talented MC's.

2005, A Year in Movie Posters: The Best, Part One

2006-01-09T18:29:00.000-05:00

I know that I have left everyone in a weird parallel universe where Burt Reynolds is still one of the most eligible men in Hollywood, but I have decided that I have to delay his colossal collapse a little bit longer and devote the next couple of weeks of movie poster posts to the inevitable best-and-worst of the year lists. I have no idea about how long it will take me to finally complete these lists, but what the hell, I can accurately say that by the end of the month of January I will have completed the 5 or 6 posts necessary to have outlined the 10 best and worst North American movie posters and 10 best foreign posters (I have to say that it is much harder to find a comprehensive list of foreign posters, so a lot of them are Japanese). As I have no idea how long this will take I will start with the 10 best…

Honourable Mention: It’s All Gone Pete Tong

Okay, so it’s fairly anti-climactic to start with an honourable mention, but fuck off - write your own fucking list. I think part of the reason I love this poster so much is that I absolutely love this movie, it is easily one of the best movies of the year, and it absolutely needs all the exposure it can get (buy it now… here). I will start with a negative comment, because this poster could have easily cracked the top ten if it wasn’t for a couple of major flaws. My biggest problem is the tagline: “The Legend of Frankie Wilde – the Deaf DJ” looks like the continuation of the title. You don’t need a tagline (some posters that are higher on this list don’t have tagline’s), but I hate the idea that quotes can replace taglines. Maybe it is just me, but I absolutely refuse to read movie poster quotes – even ass movies get quotes so how can you trust them? I absolutely love the colour of this poster. Posters have become more and more muted in terms of colour (for reasons that I do not understand), so something that is vibrant immediately makes an impact. His pose makes me laugh because it reminds me of the Karate Kid. I don’t know if it is intentional, but it works for me. Hell his face makes me laugh – but I know that’s because I have seen the movie. On to the actual top ten.

Number 10: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (I don’t care if they don’t care that their title is grammatically incorrect, I do)

From the moment that I saw this poster I knew that I would love this movie. Steve Carell is not a household name, so I think they were able to have fun and basically embrace the character instead of being caught in the trap where they had to cater to the star (can you imagine Tom Cruise in this pose – you wouldn’t buy it at all… and he would never play a forty-year-old… ever). The costume/hair in this poster is classic, as it was throughout the movie. You look at this guy and you know that he is a nice guy (he’s even got the puppy-dog eyes going) and you also know he is never getting laid… perfect. As I discussed above, I’m a pretty big sucker for a colourful poster so I love the two-tone background (it also gives him an even more “innocent” appearance). Finally, the tagline is not perfect, but it makes you laugh. I have also chosen the UK poster as one of the best foreign posters of the year so in a couple of weeks you’ll see what could have been.

Number 9: House of Wax

There is something very, very creepy about this poster. I was looking at stuff like Boogeyman and Wolf Creek, but they certainly don’t hold a candle (really bad pun alert!) to this image. I just erased a big chunk of this paragraph where I highlighted empty eye sockets and dripping wax as the keys to this image, but now I think they are complimentary to the real “hook” of this poster, which I think is that the lifeless body is supposed to be attractive. Now hold all hate mail, I am not saying I find that corpse attractive, but the way her body is positioned (and obviously topless) combined with her long flowing hair looks like a fairly classic vanity pose (I actually think that this is compounded by the dripping wax, which looks like the water that is constantly glistening in glamour shots). Combining this image with hollow eyes and dripping wax is not just creepy, it’s fucking creepy. The tagline: “Pray. Slay. Display.” sounds crappy, but it reads really well it takes your eyes from the dripping wax right down to the title, which has a funky font effect of its own. Great poster. Crappy movie, but a great poster.

Number 8: Childstar

Again, I worry that my love for this poster may have more to do with a personal bias (in this case my absolute hatred of child stars) than anything concrete design wise, but I like this poster A LOT. While the previous three films previously listed have only had mediocre taglines, “When you’re only famous for fifteen minutes… every second counts” is fucking brilliant and basically makes the poster for me. The image isn’t funny in a 40-Year-Old Virgin way, but when given the ironic distance created by the title and tagline it’s pretty smart. I love the how he has that greasy fucking little smirk; it really makes me angry and irritated. The fact that he looks like Macaulay Culkin is a definite bonus because it directs my rage towards someone in particular (thus capitalizing on my bias even more completely). Even the way Childstar is written makes me think of some stupid kid that will never have to work another minute of their lives thinking that it’s shitty to be alive for no reason whatsoever. Anyways, I haven’t seen the movie, but I do plan on it (unfortunately I’ve been planning on it for a while).

Number 7: King Kong

I had to put King Kong on the list because they released about six really striking images, but this one is the best of the bunch in my opinion. The representation of Kong, by both Andy Serkis and Weta Digital has to be one of the greatest filmmaking achievements of the year, and that is captured very well in this image. There is a deep humanity in his relationship to Naomi Watts, although it is much like a child with his or her favourite toy and that is perfectly represented in this image. The beautiful Naomi Watts looks unbelievably striking and pure in that ultimate-white white dress that she is wearing (this is despite the fact that a fucking 25 foot monkey has been carrying her around for the last couple of hours – realism is highly overrated anyways). The massive city landscape which surrounds Kong and Naomi Watts is gorgeous to look at and fully shows that you this movie is an event worthy of your $25,000 or whatever it costs to go to a movie today.

Number 6: Oldboy

I have previously discussed my hatred of using quotes and fucking laurels in lieu of a tagline, but when I look at this image I just pretend that they aren’t there. Given the taglines listed on IMDB, I am really happy that they didn’t clutter up this gorgeous image with one of those disgustingly worded phrases. I really like the composition of this poster, unlike House of Wax which uses the whole poster to bring your eyes to the title, Oldboy uses the title to draw you down to the main characters. Given the insane plot of the film, I love the chaos and confusion that this poster invokes. Similarly, I am generally very angry about most modern hand-painted character drawings, but again due to the surrealism of the film a realistic poster wouldn’t work. I know this is an inside joke, but anyone who has seen the film will find this poster even more satisfying because it includes several references to the film inside the credit block (the octopus, the hammer, etc…). This is another one of the best movies of the year, if you haven’t seen it – watch it!!!

Check back soon for my choices for the five best posters of the year!

A Little Bit Country

2006-01-06T18:11:00.000-05:00

It might have been the Longhorn win, but I've been digging into a little of my country archives today. Country can be one of those bad words, that upon utterance will hang in the air like a stale fart and taint anything else you say while trying to describe an album. Some people just can't get past that genre, they immediately conjure up Billy Ray, or Garth Brooks, cheesy line dancing honky Nascar music, (no offense I've tried line dancing, not bad, I've gotten drunk watching Nascar, not bad). I like country music as a whole, like any genre it has a few bad mass produced seeds that spoil it's history.

First we have a pair of what you could call, alt-country albums, both completely different. I had a request for a repost of Cuff the Duke and I'm more than happy to oblige. These guys are a local band with a very cool sound. Check this link for music and more on the band.

The second album is a quite different sound. 16 horsepower, has a very dark and surreal, southern backwoods feel. Singer David Eugene Edwards' voice is so haunting as he wails over slide guitar and banjo picking, "Sackcloth & Ashes" is one of those rare albums that not only is great musically, but its rich atmosphere literally transports you to another world. Really good stuff, give it a gander.

Sixteen Horsepower - Sackcloth 'N Ashes

Finally a classic album, Dolly Parton's "Coat of Many colors". I know you're thinking "Dolly Parton, what the F?! What is this guy crazy". The answer is no, My good friend Scotty turned me onto this album a while back and I've loved it ever since. It was only because I truly trust his impeccable taste in music that I gave it a chance. It is a really nicely produced album, the bassist is incredible throughout, and Dolly's wavering voice is at it's peak. I could compare it to Bob Dylan's "Nashville Skyline", definitely similar. The best song has to be "traveling Man" a great story about a young Dolly's illicit relationship with a traveling salesman, she has to hide this from her mother but by the end of the song her mother steals her lover and splits town, now that's country. If you do download this album let me know what you think, I'm always curious if I've lost my mind or I have good taste!

Dolly Parton - Coat of Many Colors

Video Game Nostalgia: NFL Playoffs Edition

2006-01-06T18:05:00.000-05:00

Being Canadian, college football is very confusing to me. The only major University football story that made the front cover of our National newspaper was about hazing rituals. However, being the football lover that I am, I tried to soak up as much information as possible before the Rosebowl. During my daily reading of D eadspin, I ran across this article comparing the incomparible Reggie Bush to someone (or something) tangible. As soon as the page opened and I saw the first photo of Bones Jackson my brain raced back to 1993, the year of Army of Darkness, Nirvana, Dr. Dre, and Mutant League Football.

Based on the Madden engine, Mutant League Football was a football video-game that was not confined by the governing body of the NFL or the laws of gravity. Eschewing the conventional (and boring) 11 man formations, the MFL only has 7 players a side. Each player is one of 5 different races, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, the races are: Troll, Super-Human, Robot, Alien, and Skeleton. The most significant thing about the MFL is that there are no stupid rules to get in the way (at least nothing that can’t be fixed by bribing a referee.

That's a bullshit call!

To be fair though, it is a problem that can easily be dealt with.

Oh yes, you can kill the ref… and that’s not all – you can kill other players to.

"Your dead motherfucka"

Killing other players isn’t just something that happens, it’s celebrated. Your player even gets to crack a witty line, which compliments whatever variation of the “eat-shit-I-just-killed-your-quarterback” trash-talk that you simultaneously shouted at your friend very nicely. Here are some examples

Pointing at this screen pisses people off.

This screen goes really well with "lick my balls cocksucker".

When this screen comes up a simple "you're next quaterback is dead already assface" works.

The majority of the time you killed people by simply hitting them, but occasionally, you would use one of the trick plays designed to kill people. These trick plays included The Pass Blast (your QB has 5 sticks of dynamite that he can throw and kill defenders with), and The Bomb (the QB throws an actual bomb – DO NOT catch the bomb). Not only are the teams trying to kill each other, but the fields can be dangerous as well as they include land mines, fire pits, thin ice and just giant cliffs to nowhere. In fact, if the game didn’t end in a forfeit you were not playing Mutant League Football the way it was meant to be played.

Seeing this screen is more satisfying than anything Madden can offer.

While killing people is what I remember about Mutant League Football, I also remember Bones Jackson. Bones was Barry Sanders in Tecmo Bowl crossed with that psycho running back from The Last Boyscout. But really, he was Bo Jackson, just as Joe Magician is Joe Montana and Scary Ice is Jerry Rice (those guys at EA are hilarious). Bo was single handedly the best player in the game and basically took the “Chicago Blackhawks from 1994 NHL” status of being an unfair advantage.

I would love to see Bones' touchdown celebrations!

All this talk of Mutant League Football has got me excited for the upcoming playoff weekend. Go Bengals, Chad Johnson is going to do something good, make sure you are watching! And sign this!

Kid Koala

2006-01-05T18:04:00.000-05:00

Montreal based wonder kid turntablist, doctor of mixology, and Dance Dance Nation pro, Kid Koala. This guy makes very interesting music, if you are in to DJ's at all check this guy out. I first saw him in 97 in Montreal, and he blew me away. It was the most energetic and sublime display of spinning skills I had ever scene, I remember snippets of pop culture (Monty Python "Quest for the Holy Grail" theme, Imperial Death March) mixed into and around funky beats and beautiful Japanese flute. In fact one of the most impressive parts of his act had Koala using 6 tables (could have been 8?), building this incredible Japanese symphony where each table played a different instrument. So basically you had Koala running and jumping from deck to deck in a frenzy maintaining this serene melody, stunning.
Kid Koala has a very unique approach to spinning, playing his records like instruments. For example he'll take a trumpet track, totally bend it, mold it, and warble the note into a completely new song.
I wanted to post some of Koala's stuff because I found (in my vast library) his graphic novel "Nufonia Must Fall". Its a great little book about a robot that falls in love AND it comes with a soundtrack to listen to (posted below). If you are into art, and/or comics, check this link for some more examples from the book.

Kid Koala - Nufonia Must Fall
This majority of the music on this soundtrack is created with a toy piano.

Kid Koala - Carpel Tunnel Syndrome
Debut Album, if you like it he has another "Most of My Friends are DJ's" and a live album.

Bullfrog - Bullfrog
A Jazzy, Funk band from Montreal with Koala on the decks, listen for Blu-Rum 13 a killer MC who hasn't had his day yet.

Give 'em the Horns

2006-01-05T12:37:00.000-05:00

"You may all go to Hell, I'm going to Texas" - Davy Crockett

Easily one of the best football games I've ever scene. Thanks to a friend who gave me a killer Longhorns beer opener, that plays:

"The Eyes of Texas"

The eyes of Texas are upon you,
All the live long day.
The eyes of Texas are upon you,
You cannot get away.
Do not think you can escape them,
At night, or early in the morn.
The eyes of Texas are upon you,
'Till Gabriel blows his horn!

everytime you open a bottle, I'm now obviously a die hard fan thanks to that pavlovian conditioning. Not to mention the amazing show Vince Young put on last night. I Knew there was going to be a show and was eagerly anticipating the quality shovelling of Leinart, and obviously the physics breaking Reggie Bush. I was initially hoping for a USC win but man did Texas make those Californians look sissy. Reggie Bush had moments of greatness, most notably his gravity defying touchdown, but for the majority of the game Texas had his number. Alas, I lost my love for Reggie when he tried that insane lateral on the Texas twenty, what the fuck was he thinking? Leinart is a solid, smart, white guy quarterback and will follow in the tradition of Bledsoe, Pennington, maybe Brady stature...But I loved the hit on him, if you watched the game you know the one, the one where Matt gets up staggering to the sidelines doing the concussed blink and puke, from that point on he was a little cross-eyed. I also loved the look on his usually smug, fat dad's face when he watched Young win the game. And that brings us to the star of the show... I had heard about Vince Young but never really watched him. He more than lives up to the legend. He carries that team both physically and emotionally, and won the game. Of course the O-Line is crucial in his success, and the rest of the team is solid. But the Longhorns are Young's team - no question, even the Mac Brown admits it, basically stating that Young's success is due in large part to a "hands off" approach from the coaching staff. One thing bothers me about Young though, he never blocks for his running back. I know that blocking is not ever expected from a QB but Young is not a normal QB. He's huge and strong, so block. I'll still take Young for the Jets anyday.
I'm so glad the Jets season is over, what a piece of shit. It's as if a large weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize how much it was stressing me out until the season was over. Now we'll see what happens, it appears that Herm Edwards is headed to the Chiefs, good one down 2 to go. What will we do with Chad and Curtis? I'm not going to think about that for a while, I'm going to kick back relish the game from last night as I open some beers singing "The Eyes of Texas".

Ween Wednesday: Vol.2

2006-01-04T18:57:00.000-05:00

Ween Wednesday again, I hope all y'all like the ween. This week's post is dedicated to Scotty Mac, who is currently stuck on an Island off the coast of central BC, trying to seduce the only single woman in the population of 50 people, unfortunately she's 75.

Pure Guava is an album of the funny voice, a wide variety of distortion and manipulation throughout.
The insanely catchy "Push the Little Daisys" will drive you crazy. The love ballad "Sarah" will have you in tears. The best way for me to describe "Pure Guava" is this, it's like an album made in another dimension, very similar to ours, but with strange and wonderful inhabitants, who have a completely different musical taste and influence while adhering to the laws of music in our world. Or an alien visitor returns to his planet describing all the beautiful music he experienced on earth and how pop music made him feel alive. This album is that same aliens attempt at sharing with his world the magic of music... Make sense? Probably about as much as this album will.
Chocolate & Cheese is probably the duos best known album, it spans all of Ween's various influences and addictions. Country Western, Heavy Metal, Doors-y blues, Soulful and Funky, Helium induced and Distortion Voice compete over psychedelic ballads and prog rock. Easily the most accessible album in the Ween catalogue. It has the best break-up song in history, "Baby Bitch", which legitimately taps into the pain and yearning we all have felt from a break-up (in highschool anyway where everything is much more dramatic). Released the same year as Beck's "Mellow Gold", it feels very similar but never reached the commercial success of Beck's album. What Ween lacks in cutesy Pop Icon appeal they more than make up for in composition and musical ability, although who could take these guys seriously when they don't even try. Have fun with both of these Gems.

Ween - Pure Guava Pt.1 & Pt.2

Ween - Chocolate and Cheese Pt.1 & Pt.2

Je me réveille

2006-01-03T15:35:00.000-05:00

I awoke as if from a dream, shook the dust from my weary bones, combed my long silver beard, wedged open my leathery eyes and headed back into the cold harsh world of reality. My two weeks of hibernation ended without fireworks or fanfair and now? Well I'm back in the chair if there is anyone still out there. I'll be posting tunes again starting tomorrow with another "Ween Wednesday". In the mean time here is a repost of that French minstrel Yann Tiersen, if anyone has any other albums (besides the Amelie Soundtrack) please hook me up, he is amazing. Hope the holidays were good for everyone.

a bientot,

Yann Tiersen - L'Absente

The Unicorns

2005-12-20T18:17:00.000-05:00

I apologize for the brief posts this week, it's nice to be away from the computer. Here is another very interesting ensemble hailing from Montreal, floating around the opposite end of the spectrum from the huge sound of Arcade Fire. The Unicorns could be described as minimalist, experimental, abstract, but that really doesn't do them justice. First, their songs are infused with tons of emotion, whether happy or sad. Second, they are pretty groovy and catchy. Third, they have this instrument which is somewhere between an Atari and an organ.
A truly original sound, check out the Unicorns.
p.s. this pic is how I felt after yesterdays shop-a-thon.

The Unicorns - Unicorns are People Too

The Unicorns - Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?

Christmas and New Years with the Urban Hunter

2005-12-20T16:37:00.000-05:00

In two days time I will be heading out to the mountains for my annual Mountain Christmas/New Years Celebration! Now it’s usually a solitary affair but this year my beautiful girlfriend will be joining me, so I’m heading out a day early to get the igloo set up and comfortable before I send up the smoke signals for Elsbeth to find me.

Here I am in the middle of building my igloo last year:

As a special surprise for her I’m planning on hunting down a polar bear along the way, so that I can line the igloo with it’s fur, and use the rest of it for food while we’re out there. I’m also going to decorate a nearby tree with some festive squirrel balls that I sewed together myself.

So for all you hunters out there who are wishing to do something romantic like this for your gal, here’s how to hunt a polar bear. Now, like myself, the polar bears are generally solitary animals, which will work to our advantage because it means you’ll only be dealing with one bear at a time. I plan on taking down the bear with my LanTec SFM6 Anti-Personnel Dart Gun. I’m gonna use this gun for 2 reasons, the first because I plan on using the fur in my igloo later on and a dart gun will cause less damage than a bullet and secondly because this gun will give me a precise shot from 200 feet away and keeping your distance from polar bears is important. Especially because I won’t be able to bring along my bear suit with me, since I’ll be traveling some distance.

However, I’d also suggest bringing along another high powered rifle, in case of an unexpected bear attack. My personal favourite for this type of thing is the Bushmaster Carbon 15 Rifle, this’ll blast a hole right through the bear’s head. I’d also suggest bringing a bear trap or two and maybe some nets, in case you’re lucky enough the find a commonly used bear trail, in which case you can trap the bear while you spend more time working on your igloo.

Now once you’ve hit the polar bear with the tranquilizer dart you’ll want to get to it as soon as it goes down. At this point, I like to make a precise cut with my hunting knife across the bear’s throat to kill it and to drain the blood without getting it all over the fur. Then it’s just a matter of dragging it back to camp, hoisting it up in a tree and skinning it.

And for the New Year's Eve finale to our romantic holiday getaway, I’m bringing some peyote for a Tarahumara Indian Peyote ceremony during which Elsbeth and I will beat our drums, drink the peyote, roast some marshmallows and dance until we receive visions of what next year will bring us. It should be great.

Have a happy holiday!

Music for Surviving Christmas Crowds

2005-12-19T18:17:00.000-05:00

Wow I'm sitting here, it's Monday morning, I've got no work until 2006...but I'm not completely free I've got about five minutes before I dive into the annual Christmas insanity, shopextravanganza. Wish me luck.
In the meantime, I'm feeling for all you guys and girls out there still in the office chair, or under the weight of the textbook. It will be over soon.
Here are two quick selections that I'll be taking with me into the hoards, new and exciting for me, I hope they spike your punch as well.
Beastie Boys, always a favorite of mine, I've seen a few posts around the web lately and I am once again reminded of their genius. From funk to punk to rap to whatever you wanna call it the Beasties are consistantly banging. This is a mixtape from one of NYC's finest, DJ Green Lantern, of Tape Kings fame, solid beats and mixing throughout, this is a great party tape for all y'all B-Boys and B-Girls.
The Beastie Boys vs. DJ Green Lantern - NY State of Mind

Another collaboration of two giants. The Grandmasters is a dark and eerie album, combining GZA's intricate tales of street life and subterfuge with DJ Muggs' (of Cypress Hill), haunting and atmospheric beats. This is Hip-hop at its most mature and refined, it's a nice change to hear the old pros drop it right for a change.
DJ Muggs vs. The GZA - Grandmasters

Howard Stern: 12-16-05

2005-12-17T14:33:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show - 12-16-05
LAST RADIO SHOW IN HISTORY

Book One, Part Two: Mustache... No Mustache!

2005-12-16T18:15:00.000-05:00

When we last left Burt Reynolds, he had followed up the Best Picture nominated film Deliverance with a hilarious neo-noir called Shamus… where would he go next?

At first glance there are two remarkably striking things about the White Lightning poster. The first thing is that Burt Reynolds has no mustache. This is like taking away Dolly Parton’s boobs or Willie Nelson’s beard… it should not happen. When I look at Burt without a mustache I feel like I am looking into a mirror, but seeing someone else looking back at me. I can’t keep talking about this because it is scaring me. The second thing about this poster is look at how fucking ripped Burt is. He is holding a fucking lightening bolt, and I think it could be real. In fact, the poster boasts that Burt Reynolds has been reborn with this new-look Burt Reynolds a rebirth in one of its two taglines: If you haven’t seen White Lightening, you haven’t seen Burt Reynolds. The second tagline is much stronger and given its positioning it feels like it is supposed to be a quote directly from Burt’s mouth – from what I have seen of Burt in interviews it feels like something he would say. This is reflective of how much was thought of Burt Reynolds at the time – he was such a man that if he thought a movie was good, all good red-blooded men better go see it! Before I move on, there are a couple of pieces of White Lightening trivia that I need to discuss. First, this was supposed to be Spielberg’s first studio release following Duel… instead he boosted Goldie Hawn’s career with The Sugarland Express. Oh Burt, so close. Second, the memorable quotes page for White Lightening has two quotes that are basically part of common slang - could these great lines have come from White Lightening? They are “I was born ready”, and “I was scared shitless”… both absolute classics, but so is “Only two things in the world I'm scared of… women and police”. Oh Burt, you devil!

The same year that White Lightning was released, Burt Reynolds also released a Western – The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing. Thankfully, unlike White Lightening, Burt’s mustache is back and doing some serious acting in his role as Jay. Interestingly enough, this was another movie that Spielberg was supposed to direct… I wonder if Burt Reynolds beat him up because he was a little nerd – if so, it was a bad decision. I really love this poster. The colour scheme is amazing and by using the “high-noon” sun in the background it gets people excited to see Burt shoot some bad-mother-fuckers dead. By looking up at Burt you take the role of the corpse of some poor sap who he has just had to put out of his (or her) misery… and he looks very tall. The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing, although having a very confusing title (click here to see what Google Images thinks of Cat Dancing – the one to the left is my favorite) has an amazing tagline. That tagline is so clear in its sell, but still makes me wonder exactly where the movie is going to go – that is movie marketing! I also love how you get a little picture of the hot-babe that’s in the movie – classic.

Now this is a movie that you follow up Deliverance with! The Longest Yard is an absolute work of art, and probably Burt Reynolds’ best role. I never saw the Adam Sandler remake because I think a big part of Longest Yard is that it surprises you at every turn. I also read Bill Simmons’ brilliant review, which made me never want to see this movie (as an aside the original Longest Yard is Bill Simmons’ 3^rd greatest sports movie ever): “Imagine that Al Pacino's career was going 10 times worse than it was right now, mainly because he had gotten too much plastic surgery and looked like he was wearing an Al Pacino Halloween mask. Then imagine they remade "The Godfather" with Adam Sandler as Michael, Rob Schneider as Sonny, David Spade as Fredo, Chris Rock as Tom Hagan, Courtney Cox as Connie, Eminem as Carlo Rizzo and Pacino as Don Vito Corleone – marketed as a "funnier, hipper version!" of the original classic – with Pacino's appearance making it seem like he endorsed the idea (when they were actually taking advantage of a washed-up actor who needed a job). Well, now you know how I felt after watching Sandler's remake of "The Longest Yard." (sorry, can’t give you a link because of ESPN insider). Of course I will discuss the downfall of Burt’s career later, but I thought that his greatest triumph was a timely moment to bring up his inevitable future. Anyways, onto the poster, I think this poster is kind of weak. I don’t know if there was another one, but I feel like they figured dudes were going to see the movie anyways (football, football, football, 47 minutes of football for the final game) so they figured they would just flaunt Burt Reynold’s mustache and hairy chest to turn it into a date movie. Then instead of a great tagline, they have a crappy joke followed by an un-authored quote. Any movie could role out a quote if they don’t name a source, a real movie (that won the Golden Globe for best Musical/Comedy) could have used a real quote. On IMDB they do have a really good tagline: First Down… And Ten Years to Go, but I can’t find any posters that actually use it. To sum up, it’s great movie so I had to include it, but a horrible poster.

For the second time, Burt Reynolds makes a horrible mistake after making an Academy Award worthy film – he shaved his mustache. I don’t even believe it is him… and I certainly don’t believe that some imposter with a clean upper lip will be able to pick up a hot girl like Catherine Deneuve. I do love that tagline “She’s the call girl. He’s the cop. They both take their jobs seriously.”, and he was smart enough to work with the same director as Longest Yard. In fact, I am pretty confident that if Burt had not shaved his mustache this would have been nominated for an Academy Award too. I actually really like this poster. It has an old-school noir feel to it. I know that there are going to be conspiracies, I know Burt is going to be right in the middle of it. I love how Burt is loading his gun as Catherine Deneuve plays with his manly chest hair. I love the dirty Strip Joint MC in the bottom right. I love that the movie was rated X in the UK.

Burt was on a role… another great movie, and he was the star in every poster. I questioned his rash decision to shave his mustache a lot over this time period, but he was still one of Hollywood’s leading men. I have one final series of posters that show Burt in the 70s which I will post sometime soon. Remember, although these can be seen as the good days, Burt was still hustling at this point – it was his complacency in the 80s that leads to his downfall… the best is yet to come.

Howard Stern: 12-15-05

2005-12-16T07:18:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show - 12-15-05

Christmas from Montreal

2005-12-15T18:58:00.000-05:00

This may be my last day of work before Christmas I say may, because I can't get a straight answer. I'm working on a television show, and for anyone else out there who has shared the experience you know it to be chaotic, stressful, ridiculous hours, and generally unsatisfying. So here is the scenario, the schedule says tomorrow is a full cast & crew day-off. Not true - there is an ultra low-pro splinter unit going down. So to save some money on the day, a lot of people still have the day off...So does my uber-important position dictate that I must come in? Or does my massive paycheck effect the budget of the day detrimentally? Have I completely lost my mind with these delusions of grandeur? Bottom line I don't want to come in, I'm done with this show, it's Christmas time, and I want to go home.
Rant out of the way, let's move on.This is a repost of sorts, many moons ago I put up some Arcade Fire stuff, the Christmas EP, and an amazing live show (unfortunately I can't remember whose site I initially found it on, but thanks). I received 2 requests last night to repost because the links have gone dormant, likely hibernating for the winter, so let's wake them up. Arcade Fire has taken the world by storm, and with good reason, their sound is so original. It's a relentless, surging furnace of a sound pushing underneath the constantly building melodies above. Epic, dramatic, powerful and beautiful. One of my favorite elements of this band is that they hail from my beloved Montreal. If you could capture the magic of this city in sound "Funeral" is it, the romance, the art the WINTER. Listening right now it still gives me the chills, "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)", a surreal love story, two lovers digging tunnels through the snow to be with each other, so obsessed they block out the entire world, forgetting everything but their single heart.
The Arcade Fire - Funeral
(for some reason the last track is screwy and cuts out, here is the replacement for "In the Back Seat")
"Power Out" is another gem, inspired by the black-out and as one who was there I can tell you it was a crazy time. So impressive to see mother nature just cripple our sense of security. The week or so when the power was out, I remember everyone coming together, candles and wine, and of course body heat to keep warm (I was in first year university at the time, and it was the high-light of my year to be sure). Man I miss Montreal sometimes, especially in the winter.

The Christmas EP is a weird little anomaly of a bootleg, it was made by the band in 2002 as a gift to their friends, never intended to see the light of day. This version, adds a few tunes from "Us Kids Know" to round it out. For anyone trapped in offices, working in malls or stores, who is forced to absorb 8-10 hours of Christmas music a day, this is a welcome change. I promise you won't want to rip your head off listening to this "Silent Night". So this isn't the actual cover, it's actually from a single release, but I thought it looked very nice and Christmas-like. Whoever does the art for these guys is a genius, i love the style.
The Arcade Fire - Christmas Album

Last but not least is "Arcade Fire: Live at Lowlands 2005" about an hour of live music from the band. Arcade Fire has gained notoriety over the last 2 years as being the best live band of the day. This is a good example of that claim, the sound quality is actually really good, enjoy.
The Arcade Fire - Live At Lowlands 2005

Howard Stern: 12-14-05

2005-12-15T07:01:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show - 12-14-05

Ween Wednesday

2005-12-14T18:43:00.000-05:00

Before we get to Ween I have to shove in a little shameless promotion for the Kittens. I was at their show last night, totally great, the band was really tight and they had the crowd in the palm of their hand. AND, now they have killer costumes compliments of the "strange guy upstairs". I have to let everyone in or near Toronto know that this show is happening tomorrow and it should be great as usual. Thursday is a little more respectable in terms of going out for us working folks, so I hope y'all give it a chance.
There, promotion out of the way, let's look at another genius rock band - Ween. When I mentioned to Nate (vocals - RWTK), that his band bares a striking resemblance to Ween he had never even heard of them. Frankly not enough people have. SO to get the word out on what will (and to some is already) be looked upon as a legendary, groundbreaking band, I'm going to post Ween albums every Wednesday until those who love them will have 'em all, and those who hate them will learn to love them... hopefully.

Ween - God, Ween, Satan, The Oneness
pt. 1
pt. 2

Ween - The Pod
pt. 1
pt. 2

NBA Players Do the Darndest Things

2005-12-14T18:14:00.000-05:00

Another week, another selection of amazing NBA photos (and I promise this is the end of these Orlando Magic pictures... I just love them so much)!

Screw you guys... I'm taking my ball, and I'm going home.

Even his own teammates want to beat Keith Van Horn up.

When I think about me dunking, I touch myself.

I fucking love Deion ever since I saw him hosting Mrs. America.

Science is fun!

When he isn't a point guard for the Magic, Jameer Nelson discovers new galaxies far, far away.

Sorry to rehash material, but the best thing to write under this picture is Steve Francis' quote about Cuttino Mobley:

"I can't put it into words. Playing with a guy, living with a guy, just knowing that every day when I wake up that's something I can count on, that I'm going to be in practice or in a game with Cuttino. Him not being here is going to be tough for me. I don't know what I'm going to wake up for."

Coach, I need help with my SAT's.

Sumo, I need you to post this CD!!!

Unfortunately right after this picture was taken Steven Seagal used his akido for evil and killed this panda.

And check out this Adidas ad (click here or on the picture above) - it kicks ass!

Howard Stern: 12-13-05

2005-12-14T07:49:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show - 12-13-05

From the Shadows

2005-12-13T18:17:00.000-05:00

This is another classic album that I feel everyone should have, I've burned it, then owned it, then lost it, and on and on. "Endtroducing" really opened a door for me, showing me the possibilities of turntablism and the evolution of Hip-hop. In a time when Biggie and Tupac were the respective kings of Hip-hop, Shadow was making these crazy dark and atmospheric beats, so far from the main stream. His obsession with drums and rhythm, pushed his sound far past the standard break-beat, a lot of what we now think of as underground rap owes a lot to this guy. There is a special edition 2 cd re-release, that I recommend everyone check out.

DJ Shadow - Endtroducing

This is a killer mixtape, combining old school hip-hop, crazy gangsta jeep beats and of course a little funk and soul, great party and driving mix. When I first heard it I thought, "there is no way this is Shadow, it's whack gangsta shit." But oh no, was I ever wrong, definately enjoy this.

DJ Shadow - Funky Skunk

Strictly a funky, groovy mix here, pure Shadow with another brilliant DJ, Cut Chemist. I saw Cut Chemist in Montreal with Peanut Butter Wolf, I was lurking around the sound board with a toque pulled right down, and sporting a chin beard. Some kid came up to me called me DJ Shadow, and told me he loved my shit, I had to agree with him - I love this man's shit.

DJ Shadow & Cut Chemist - Product Placement

Little Buddy... Book One, Part One: The Envy of Gods

2005-12-13T18:05:00.000-05:00

Because I am getting more aggressive in my subjects for these poster articles I am going to change the format. Instead of writing one monstrous article I am going to break them up into 2-4 poster mini-posts which will span over the course of a week (or in some cases weeks). Really it means that I will just write more commentary on useless things that really don’t need to be talked about.

Sometimes when you were born has a profound effect on how you remember celebrities. Growing up without Cable TV, in Canada, I didn’t get to see the NBA until Magic Johnson was fat and Michael Jordan was clearly the best player in the league. Even now, having watched a lot of NBA games on ESPN Classic and seeing Magic dominate I can’t shake the image of his fat rolls bouncing around as he moves around the court. Similarly, I have a lot of trouble thinking of Elizabeth Taylor as a sexy woman – despite the fact that I have seen movies with her from the 50s where she was damn sexy. It isn’t the fact that they aged, it was that they aged ungracefully in the public eye. I have no problems acknowledging Catherine Deneuve’s stunning beauty or Larry Bird’s immaculate jump shot, but Liz Taylor and Magic Johnson are tainted… and looking back, so is Burt Reynolds. This was always confusing to me, because Burt has played several characters I love in several movies I love. He also has a great mustache and has the nickname Buddy… how could I belittle this man? I decided to go on a journey of self-discovery and write a movie poster series on Buddy. I don’t know how long this project is going to take me – given that the holidays are approaching, there are so many good Burt Reynolds posters, and I have been working like a dog, it may take a long time, but in the end, I hope that I learn something about Burt… and myself. Burt Reynolds’ life in posters, book one, part one – Glorious Beginnings.

Wow, George Hamilton is tall.

I will start by saying that I have no idea about Burt Reynolds life. I almost was too bored to make it through his whole Wikipedia entry – and it only consists of about 6 paragraphs. However, I do like to tell stories, and I think Burt’s story can be told through these posters. Burt’s started acting in the film Angel Baby, a film directed by uber-hack Paul Wendkos (see this IMDB profile – he made 105 movies and I think Bad Seed is his best… wow!). I don’t know much about this movie, but I do know that Burt played second fiddle to George Hamilton (who had the amazing nickname – the Tanned One). Reading the IMDB synopsis (“A woman who believes she has been chosen by God to heal people is taken in by a greedy promoter and his shrewish wife to make the rounds of the rural South - she to save souls and heal the sick, he to make as much money as he possibly can.”) doesn’t help me understand what Burt Reynolds character Hoke Adams had to do with anything. Screw it, if you want to see this movie it is because it is Burt Reynolds’ first movie and it was declared adult entertainment in Ontario (which makes that plot summary even more bizarre). Everyone starts somewhere and for Burt, this was that somewhere.

Raquel Welch is hot. I love any title treatment that uses a gun font.

Ten years later… Burt Reynolds has been seen on TV screens and Movie Theatres across the nation – he is a young star. However, many of these movies were like Fuzz, not great, and absolutely forgettable. Looking through his IMDB page, I can’t absolute bad-talk the director as I normally do because he directed one Miami Vice episode (Calderon’s Return) which in my eyes is one of the top ten TV episodes ever made. I really think the big problem with Fuzz had to be how it feels so put together. I can see two studio heads brainstorming… MASH did well, what about MASH with Cops… great, great… Burt Reynolds and Raquel Welch… blah, blah, blah… Fuzz is born (as an aside, the same concept probably made Police Academy, a great movie). Anyways, onto the poster… aside from Raquel Welch’s boobs, Burt Reynolds’ hot body is the number one sell that this movie can come up with. Don’t get me wrong, there is some zaniness (the dog with the dynamite, the two guys dressed as nuns, Yul Brenner looking sneaky), but that seems insignificant when faced with Raquel’s massive “assets”, and Burt Reynolds’s seductive body language (I guess that is supposed to be a badge on his naked chest… I don’t know about that!). Some funny trivia about Fuzz, Raquel Welsh was so mad at Burt Reynolds (he probably is/was/will always be a slimeball) she did not want to do any scenes with him – the compromise was that she did not have to look him in the eye in any scene in the movie. Classic.

Deliverance made people spit up wine and get alarm systems all across the world.

Deliverance is far from the fluff that made Burt Reynolds recognizable. Although defined by one scene, even a moment, Deliverance is actually a very well made movie about the urban liberal desire to conquest nature, and country-folk. For anyone who has not seen the movie, it is the story of 4 friends who decide to take a weekend canoeing down the Cahulawassee River before urban development turns the whole basin into a lake. Along the way nature, and most disturbingly the towns-people turn the vacation into a nightmare the likes of which are rarely shown in movies even to this day (male gang-rapes outside of prison simply are not shown, let alone dwelled upon). Even outside of his normal type of film, Burt Reynolds kind of plays his “type” – he is the toughest, both mentally and physically, and the adventurer of the group. What is interesting is that given how the film is played out, his character (and the majority of the characters he has played in past films) is exposed as the most naïve (even when surrounded by nerds) for believing that nature can be dominated. Anyways, enough real movie talk – check out this poster, I think it is a masterpiece. The tagline “This is the weekend they didn’t play golf” perfectly captures the essential point of the movie… while sending chills up the spine of all the wine-drinking-liberals that are going to eat popcorn as they watch the movie, and sending them running back to the golf course. The juxtaposition of the “before-they-leave” photo with the absolute insanity of the in-the-action photo is quite striking. In fact, I love how they all are in various stages of insanity in the photo – Burt Reynolds is resigned to death, Jon Voight is panicked, fuck, I don’t know who played the other two actors, but one is dead and the other is confused… good shit.

What happens when a white guy stars in a Blacksploitation film?

Okay, you’re Burt Reynolds, you’ve just starred in a movie that was nominated for Best Picture… you’re an international superstar… you are sleeping with the best Hollywood has to offer… you follow it up with a small part in a Woody Allen movie which shows what a stud you are… what do you do next? Shamus, a film directed by Buzz Kulik. I know that Buzz was probably pretty hot shit at this time because Brian’s Song is one of the great TV movies, but you should never EVER trust someone named Buzz. I guess he thought that the flame thrower in the script was pretty cool, and maybe, he liked the idea of being a tough-guy detective, but movies like this do not make careers (Die Hard is the exception). This whole movie and poster is a frightening look at the future of Burt Reynolds, but at the moment it was nothing but cool. I love how he is carrying his shirt and around while he is pointing his gun. In case you thought he was simply woken up they include the insert of him sleeping with a woman underneath him. And in case you thought he wasn’t tough, they include the shot of him in action just to let you know he isn’t whipped. Combine that with a kick ass tagline and an orange background and you have 70s gold.

I have a lot more 70s goodness for you, as well as some hilarious posters from Burt’s “dark days”… unfortunately Burt’s story has just begun. He is definitely a star, and the studios are banking on his marketability by putting him front and centre in every poster. He has made one amazing film, but he has made a lot of crap… what does the future hold for this young go-getter? More coming soon…

Howard Stern: 12-12-05

2005-12-13T09:24:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show - 12-12-05

Who Are Those Kinky Bees?

2005-12-12T18:42:00.000-05:00

Damn these guys are good, and to give credit where credit is due, Frank Steel turned me onto this band. Yes Steel is more than an expert on Chuck Norris, 80's movies, and Basketball. Yes, I admit that I usually don't give his hot picks enough respect from time to time (possibly due to his undying affection for Lionel Richie and Journey), but let me tell you "Band of Bees" is top of the pops. The Brit band bares an uncanny resemblance to the classic Rock n Roll/R&B acts from the English sixties. Remnants of The Rolling Stones (good old stuff, when they were groovy), Small Faces, The Animals, and two of my favorites, The Kinks and The Who. This is a solid album, it will make you dance, and it sounds so old! Quite literally the production is so good on this album, it feels like it's right off an old vinyl. Check it out, I love this sound, and although it sounds old it is a fresh and funky breath of fresh air. Good Classic tunes, from a brand new band. And be sure to check out this hilarious video: Dance, Dance Nation Bees style.

Band of Bees - Free the Bees

definitely an inspiration for the Bees, the Kinks cranked out the hits, pushed boundaries, and still to this day don't get the respect they deserve. Forever in the shadow of the Beatles, and Stones, the Kinks are one of those bands that have quietly affected all musical acts to follow. Listen to this album, then through on some Strokes for example, to get an idea of what I'm talking about.

The Kinks - The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society

Here is a gold nugget I nabbed a few months ago from Regnyouth, no idea where he got it but it's great. The Who is one of my all time favorite bands. Rock and Roll monsters, they changed the face of live shows forever, and made some of the most aggressive and exhilarating music I've ever heard. I'd go so far to say that The Who is truly the original punk band, twisting their social commentary, teenage angst and anger into tight little 2 minute rock numbers. And then they evolve with epic concept albums and...I digress this is not a who post, but I hope you love this slice of history as much as I do.

The Who - Live in NYC 1969

OC: The Disconnect

2005-12-12T16:42:00.000-05:00

So you'd think I'd have less important things to do than post my OC commentary, now I'm only 4 days old. I'm sorry I missed last week's episode, seeing Julie Cooper driving a U-haul is worth a thousand words.

Let me begin by asking the question do these two characters resemble eachother? Because according to the OC they are the same person...

The Disconnect had one major theme, saving hurt puppies.
- Marisa is compelled to save the injured Johnny
- Sandy is compelled to save Ryan, and now has transferred to Matt
- Kirsten is compelled to save Julie
All this good will is really making me see the world differently. Maybe that guy who smokes crack in my alley and pisses on my car should be brought into my house. I can feed him, cloth him and put him through college, hmmm...

Marisa begins this episode with her standard "boy-blindness". I was nearing the end of my rope. She is quite possibly the most dangerous girlfriend a guy could have. Stunningly beautiful, tall, rich (at times), generous (to others not BF), smart (unless another man is involved then instantly blind). It is amazing how high her expectations are for Ryan (boyfriends in general) and how patient he is with her flaunting infidelities. No wonder Johnny hit the Vicadin this episode and why he didn't want her to know he liked he, most men she has touched hit the prescription drugs hard.The Strip Club
Now Frank Steel was instantly offended that network television thought they could get away with a non-nude stripclub scene. It ruined the entire episode for him. I managed to suspend my disbelief not having near as much experience in that world. But what I did find interesting was that somehow, Ryan being in a strip club was equatable somehow to his girlfriend being in bed with another guy, in that guy's house...With no pants (yes I am convinced these are pants not a purse). Is going to a strip club like cheating? Also you have to love how the writer's tie up the Matt story line, while at the same time exonerate the stripper (She's a minority, putting herself through law school, and is sensitive - Oh and she has great business connections). Come on guys, you're paid too well for a cheat like that.

Thus begins the fall of Matt, but don't feel too bad, he is styled far too closely to Christian Bale in "American Psycho" not to be pure evil.

Now unfortunately I again have to cut things short, But a few more notes to ponder:

- The scene with Ryan and Marisa on the telephone made up for the crappy "Stripper with a heart of Gold" conclusion, the first time in a while we feel some chemistry between those two.
- I like this new guy and Julie, could this be a male Julie Cooper? Or is he legit?
- Seth is turning into Woody Allen

- Ryan is turning into a young capitalist - and apparently likes drinking milk in stripclubs...

Music from the O.C. - The Disconnect

Howard Stern: 12-09-05

2005-12-12T10:11:00.000-05:00

Howard Stern Radio Show - 12-09-05

Big

2005-12-09T18:40:00.000-05:00

Finally Fat Friday has arrived. Biggie is heavy shit, solid beats and rhymes, real street cred, like a steam roller he paved the way for legions of rappers to come. These 3 albums are staples of any Hip-Hop fan's collection, but for those of you who have lost them, been robbed, or played out your copies here is a time to refresh. If you have some time to dig you'll find some great, rare Biggie at the smoking section probably the best site for all things hip-hop (incidently they have the best "Different Strokes" pic I've ever scene posted today). So here is some Biggie for the weekend enjoy.

Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die
Part 1
Part 2

Notorious B.I.G - Life After Death
Disc 1
Disc 2

Notorious B.I.G. - Born Again

OC: This One is for Alana

2005-12-09T14:50:00.000-05:00

It's my second week dropping the ball on my thoughts on OC, Instead of watching it last night I drank scotch and played dominoes, go figure. I swear I'm going to watch it tonight, so look out tomorrow, in lieu of a review enjoy this, disc 5 of the OC compilations. I'm posting this because Alana loves them, and she is very concerned about the kids growing up so fast and going off to college. Alana, hopefully this mix will remind you of all the good times you and the gang shared in highschool.

Here is the track list,
1. Rock & Roll Queen - Subways
2. Reason is Treason - Kasabian
3. Wish I Was Dead pt.2 - Shout Out Louds
4. Daft Punk is Playing at my House - LCD Soundsystem
5. Publish My Love - Rogue Wave
6. Forever Young - Youth Group
7. Requiem for O.M.M. - Of Montreal
8. Kids with Guns - Gorillaz
9. Na na na na Nah - Kaiser Chiefs
10. Your Ex-Lover is Dead - Stars
11. California 2005 - Phantom Planet
12. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
The O.C. - Mix 5

Howard Stern: 12-08-05

2005-12-09T09:49:00.000-05:00

This is something I'm going to try for a while at least a week before Howard hits satellite, I discovered a way to download Stern's show, unfortunately it's a day old but for us people in Toronto we really don't have a better option. Of course if you have a car with a great antenna, on a clear and dry day you can hear 50% of the show through the static from Buffalo's 92.9. This is because some genius at Toronto's Q107 decide to pull Stern from the station and replace it with a local DJ who wishes he was Stern but clearly thinks of himself as nicer, and more polite. I've actually heard this guy steal Stern's jokes, word for word. Enough I digress, enjoy the Stern, in the future I'll post it earlier in the day.

Howard Stern Radio Show - 12/08/05

10,000 Things...

2005-12-08T19:12:00.000-05:00

Tao produced the One.

The One produced the two.
The two produced the three.
And the three produced the ten thousand things.
-Lao Tzu

F is the New Fuck

2005-12-08T18:34:00.000-05:00

You heard it here first, no one says that big old, taboo "F" word anymore, it just doesn't carry the panache that it used to. I was riding the streetcar this morning, and I heard two people completely unrelated, proclaim "F!" where a simple fuck would have sufficed. The first time I was privy to this bastardized incarnation, was from the lips of NYC Marisa, who may be the root of the trend. Truthfully I thought it was funny and cool at first, even used it myself. Now I'm afraid that if this trend continues we could lose the most poignant and versatile word in history. The signs all point to it, fuck is on t-shirts, television and video games, we've been super saturated. Saying "F" is a new way of saying the same old thing, but it has none of the power of its roots.
Not unlike punk music. Today we have so many different types of bands that claim to be punk rock, from real hardcore to boy band commodities. Even though some are loud, and abbrasive and hardcore, is that what constitutes "punk"? It just all feels a little empty, a little "what's the point?" A little like "F" is to fuck, new punk is to the real old nasty shit.
So in honour of fuck, and as a nod to NYC Marisa I'm posting 4 of my favorite and most accesible punk acts out of NYC, all debut albums, all amazing.

New York Dolls - New York Dolls

Blondie - Blondie

Ramones - Ramones

Richard Hell & The Voidoids - Blank Generation

10,000 People Running and Screaming

2005-12-08T18:09:00.000-05:00

To celebrate our 10,000th reader, I will once again alienate all but three of them with a series of NBA photographs that I love. If you don't think these are funny, it's okay, 99.9% of the people reading this agree with you.

Unlikely to make the NBA, little Jimmy Neutron wanted to show the world that he should be on the And-One tour.

The Nuggets never answered Jimmy's calls until he lied about having a disease.

Okay, if you don't live in Toronto this probably isn't funny... but fuck it!

Something Charlie V learned from his years studying under Chuck Norris.

And here is something Shaq learned after spending years studying under Yokozuna.

Growing up, Iverson always wanted to make fun of how short someone was.

I think the Orlando Magic are my new favourite team.

Is that Jordan? Or Ozzy?

This one is disturbing, if you are easily offended skip it:

I couldn't understand this photo... and then, WHAM, holy fuck that is disgusting!

How do you react to this?

Die Vince, Die!

The Urban Hunter: 10,000 Hits Celebration!!

2005-12-08T12:44:00.000-05:00

In anticipation of today’s 10,000th hit on sumomofo I decided to celebrate by shooting 10,000 pigeons. Now I knew I couldn’t accomplish this all on my own in one day, so I brought out my good friend Montana McMichaels for the celebration. We started our day by loading up the truck with 7,000 rounds each (to allow for some missed shots)… this weighed a lot so we pretty much had to stay with the truck all day. Below is a picture of us counting some of the pigeons halfway through the day.

At the end of the day it took two truckloads like the one below to get all the pigeons home. It was pretty exciting. Tonight, I’ll be holding a pigeon stew party for anyone who wants to come out… I’ll be making a big bonfire in my backyard… so you should be able to find the party pretty easily. See you there!

Some other shocking news that I received by carrier pigeon today, is that there are squirrels killing dogs in Russia! Now I realize I’ve received this news a little late, as you can see by this article here but I just hope it’s not too late to save the Ruskies and quite possibly the world from these mad squirrels!! It’s quite possible that these squirrels will start swimming across the Bearing Straight to get to North America if something isn’t done soon. I thought the light-saber wielding squirrels were bad, but these ones can actually rip apart large animals with their bare hands. This is one pack of squirrels I’d better make sure I’m fully prepared for.

So far I’ve packed my raccoon killing suit, all my best trapping equipment, and most of my guns, but I’ll be picking up some special gear once I get into Russia as well. I’ve asked for an AK74 outfitted with 40-mm GP-25 underbarrel grenade launcher, as well as a SV-99 .22LR Sniper Rifle, perfect for when I’m on the move because it can be knocked down in a matter of moments.
In the meantime protect yourselves by planting pine trees and scattering nuts around your backyard. That should hold off the squirrels until I can get back on the continent.

Dix-Mille

2005-12-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

Well 10,000 Hits has arrived, it is time you all learn the true secret purpose behind this site. This blog is merely a vessel to introduce and promote the most exciting and dramatic game in the history of man...Farkle or Dix Mille (10000).

Commercially known as Farkle and sometimes buy its French name Dix Mille. This is an absorbing game for any number of players using six dice. There are many variations of this game, the basic version is described first followed by a series of additional rules under the heading Variations. It is left to you to decide which alternative rules, if any, you wish to play. Play: Each player takes it in turn at rolling the dice and must set aside at least one scoring die (1s, 5s, triples, 3 pairs, or a run of 6. See score values below). Their turn continues, rolling the remaining dice, as long as they have thrown and set aside a scoring number or combination. Players announce their progressive score for their turn after each roll. A players turn ends when they either decide to stop and score their accumulated points or until they have a scoreless throw and score nothing for that turn. Should all six dice be set aside as scoring then the player may roll them all again and continue their tally. Scoring combinations only count when made with a single throw. For example a player who rolls and puts aside a 1 and then throws two 1s with the next throw may only score 300 not a 1000. The first player to score a total of 10,000 wins, provided any subsequent players, with a turn left, don't exceed their score. Score Values
1	= 100 points
5	= 50 points
1, 1, 1	= 1000 points
#, #, #	= # x 100 e.g. 2, 2, 2 = 200 points: 6, 6, 6 = 600 points
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6	= 3000 points
3 pairs	= 1500 points (including four of a kind and a pair)
An example turn might go something like this. A player rolls the six dice and they come up 1, 1, 2, 4, 5, 6. He could set aside the two 1s and the 5 scoring 250 points, but instead sets aside the 1s, scoring 200 and rolls the remaining four dice. They come up 1, 6, 6, 6 and the player decides to set aside all four dice and his score is increased by 700 points (1 = 100 + 6, 6, 6 = 600) giving a total of 900 so far. All six dice are scoring so the player decides to continue his turn by rolling them all again. This time he is unlucky and rolls 2, 3, 3, 4, 6, 6. A scoreless throw which means he scores nothing for this turn and the dice pass to the next player. Variations: A player may not begin to score until he has first scored at least 500 points in a turn. A player may take up the scoreless dice of the previous player who has had a scoreless throw and forfeited their points. Should he then throw a scoring number or combination he takes the previous player's forfeited score, in their last turn, as their own. Worth risking if they have accumulated a high score. A player who throws a scoreless first roll, three times in successive turns, loses 1000 points. If five dice are counted as scoring, the remaining die may be thrown twice in an attempt to roll a 1 or 5. If successful, the player is allowed to continue rolling with all six dice and receives a bonus of 500 points. The bonus increases by 500 points for every time the last die is rolled and scores in a single turn. Four or more 2s cancels a players entire score. Six of a kind made with a single throw wins the game outright. Sometimes a target total of 5000 is set to make for a shorter game. There is a commercial version of Ten Thousand called Cosmic Wimpout that is played with only 5 dice and without the three pairs scoring category. Some states in the USA play a version using 7 dice.

Now you have the power

Conscious Rap

2005-12-07T18:46:00.000-05:00

Sage Francis is probably the best rapper walking on the earth today, no joke. His lyrics are wise, his flow is impeccable. He's a fat white guy with a beard who wears lumberjack shirts and wins MC Battles. His songs are poignant, poetic and political, Sage is not in the game for the hype, he's in it for the art. This is his latest album, released this past summer on Epitaph. If you're familiar with the old albums the first thing you'll notice are the beats on "Healthy Distrust" which are way more complex. The second thing you'll notice is a weird voice distortion on Sage, I'm not crazy about this, but the message underneath this alt. rock technique is still good. I've got some more Sage, so if anyone wants it, just ask.
video for "Escape Artist"

Sage Francis - A Healthy Distrust

Two other rappers for ya today, the first is a Kid from west coast Canada, another true lyrical wizard, although this time more on a metaphysical and emotional tip. Josh Martinez is a poet and story teller, and although sometimes his music leans towards backpack rap this guy is harder then he seems. This is a hard to find Album from a few years ago, if you like what you hear Josh Martinez has a new album "Midriff Music" out this year.

Josh Martinez - Made in China

Last but not least, here is a killer live album from Mr. Lif in his hometown Boston. The crowd is pumped and Lif spins and grooves his way through 16 tracks of word and rap. One of the better sounding live rap albums, and definately a must for anyone that digs underground hip-hop.

Mr. Lif - Live at The Middle East

Movie Posters - Roundhouse Edition

2005-12-07T18:38:00.000-05:00

Chuck Norris is more than a man, in the eighties he was a star. Chuck had an interesting heritage, both of his parents being half Cherokee Indian or half Irish. But as anyone who has received a Chuck Norris roundhouse can attest – he is 100% bad-ass. Today I have decided to examine Chuck Norris’ movie posters throughout his career in order to pay homage and tribute the only Walker, Texas Ranger.

Don't touch Chuck Norris' family.. ever!

The director of Breaker! Breaker! (the film which obviously influenced the GZA twenty years later) made the rare leap from composer to director for the film. I do understand that sometimes a script comes along that really speaks to someone and they want to make a personal film… to Don Hulette that script was the story of a trucker searching for his brother, who has disappeared in a town run by a corrupt judge. Two other facts from the IMDB page for Breaker! Breaker! that make it appealing to me: 1. It was banned in Norway. 2. It is also known as Cindy Jo & the Texas Turnaround – which is the best fucking title I have ever heard. Basically Don was good at one thing – he cast Chuck Norris, and because of that he got two more jobs before he was cast aside. As you can see from the poster there is no reference to Chuck Norris or martial arts, this will all change very soon. Before I move onto the next stage in Chuck’s career, I have to acknowledge how great that tagline is.

Chuck Norris + Space Babe = Outerspace Love!

Something about this Octagon poster just isn’t jelling with everything that I have read about the film. This movie looks like something from the future; maybe something related to outer-space, but from what I can tell this is just a straight up action film. Well, a straight up action film with the insane conceit that ninja’s exist, but everybody thinks they are gone. When they start tormenting Chuck Norris, he has to kick some ass. Check out this trailer – it is classic. This poster does display Chuck Norris as the star, however this time it is due to his striking good looks and not any precedent he has set as a star. In fact in the US they used a different look (which can be seen here), choosing ninjas over Chuck Norris… which was obviously a bad decision. Another great tagline – “In a world of choices, for one man there is no choice” – which is the first of many references to Chuck Norris as a defender of freedom and the American Way… even if it means that he himself cannot be free.

If you ever see this, you are already dead.

An Eye for An Eye was the first Chuck Norris film that was directed by a true Hollywood hack, and not some two-bit straight-off-the-street hack. As significantly, An Eye for An Eye’s poster sold Chuck Norris as a martial-arts-master, not Chuck Norris good-looking-guy, or in many cases, Chuck Norris is in the movie but the poster will just feature tits. This poster shows you an angle that not many people get to see without dying – the fury of Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick. The symbolism of this poster is strong… I immediately understand that being hit by Chuck Norris’ roundhouse is directly equivalent to having the Golden Gate bridge being thrown on top of you. The tagline on this poster is okay, but IMDB shows this film having possibly one of the best taglines ever: “Chuck Norris doesn’t need a weapon… he is a weapon.” Wow. That tagline makes me understand who I’m fucking with, while at the same time conjuring images of the inevitable scene where Chuck pushes it a little too far and the shifty-no good-chief-who-lets-“the-boys-upstairs”-tell-him-what-to-do character forces him to turn in

his badge and gun. Just thinking about this gives me chills. Oh, by the way, this movie was banned in Norway as well.

Chuck Norris is all that is good and right in America

Before I talk about these movies, watch this and this, they will give you absolute chills. Missing in Action and Delta Force are, by all accounts, THE Chuck Norris films. They both have very similar posters – hand drawn realism, showing Chuck with a big bad ass gun, ready to kill. What these posters say is “maybe Chuck Norris doesn’t need a weapon, but he can kill a whole lot more people if he had one”. The Missing in Action poster also implies that Chuck Norris has an exceptionally large unit – but that is another story all together. Both of these movies are significant in Chuck’s oeuvre because they represent what Chuck Norris is all about – defending the American way of life. In Missing in Action, Chuck Norris literally goes back to Vietnam in 1984 to single-handedly win a war that tarnished the reputation of the US – even if some left-wing fags will try to stop him (and to expose how sinister left-wing-fags are, they will actually kill him in order to stop him). In Delta Force, Chuck Norris takes on a bunch of terrorists who have had the balls to take Americans hostage. The second tagline for Delta Force, which appeared on the video release summed it up perfectly: “They don’t negotiate with terrorists… They blow them away!” These movies came out in a simpler time – before anybody cared what other countries thought about American politics… when America was simply right, just like Chuck Norris. Here is an interesting random fact about Missing in Action, Steve Bing – real estate billionaire and Elizabeth Hurley impregnator – wrote the characters to the film when he was 19 years old… beyond writing some Married with Children Episodes, it was the high-point of his career.

Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!

Invasion USA is basically the movie Chuck Norris has been making for his entire career, except they remove all subtlety and any hint of symbolism. Quite literally, Chuck Norris is the only man that can save America from an outside threat (the Russian Spy). What makes Chuck even crazier is that he had already taken down that no-good-commie but was ordered (by some left-wing-fag no doubt) to take him in alive. Now, several years later, the no-good-commie has decided to take over the USA; but he knows, like the audience knows, that he will have to pry the USA out of Chuck Norris’ cold dead hands. James Bruner and Chuck Norris, who wrote many screenplays together, had been saving up for this one. Check out a small sample of the gold that can be found in this film: “One night you'll close your eyes, and when they open I'll be there. It'll be time to die.” (this is obviously Chuck’s line the moment the left-wing-fag forces him to take the Commie Bastard alive). “If you come back in here, I am gonna hit you with so many rights you are going to beg for a left.” (Oh Chuck, you are so manly just thinking about you gets women pregnant). My only complaint with the Invasion USA poster is that he should be wearing an I Love NY t-shirt under his denim vest. I love how he is shooting two Uzi’s in two different directions and looking a third direction. He is so bad ass it hurts me.

Hellbound was one of many bombs at the end of Chuck's movie career.

Ten years have passed since Invasion USA. Your brother is now directing your movies and you can no longer stay in the theatres for longer than a week. America has changed, its enemies are no longer tangible military driven dictators, left-wing-fags or right-wing-idiots are running the country… you are Chuck Norris, and there is nobody left to fight. The same year this movie was released Keanu Reeves showed the Point Break was not a fluke and became a hot action star with Speed. Yes, Chuck, that skinny-little-surfer-fag-who-you-could-beat-up-with-both-hands-and-feet-tied-behind-your-back is a bigger action star than you. I only included one movie poster from this period, a period which made Chuck turn to Canada’s premiere screenwriter Paul Haggis who created Walker, Texas Ranger, the poster I included was Hellbound. Hellbound is the story of a Chicago cop who is forced to travel to Israel, not because of terrorism, but because something supernatural is attacking the city. Now Chuck has a powerful roundhouse… but against supernatural beings – give me a break… sadly 5 years later the Gubernator made the same mistake and made End of Days. I can’t really talk about this poster because I am tearing up and it is hard to see…… I’m not gay, but I love Chuck Norris’ mullet.

That ends the journey through Chuck Norris’ career. I hope that you learned some valuable lessons about life, destiny, beards and roundhouse kicks. If you want to know more about Chuck visit here, and here.

King Tong

2005-12-06T11:06:00.000-05:00

This is a great mockumentary, about the legendary DJ Frankie Wilde (fictional of course) and the hot life in Ibiza. It didn't get a lot of response in the theatres but it is destined to be a cult hit for years to come. Watch the trailer here. For those of you that are Canadian I'm sure you've seen or heard of "Fubar" another mockumentary about two best friend, redneck headbangers from Calgary and their party life philosophy. "It's All Gone Pete Tong" is brought to you by the same creative team but having garnered some success the new venue is Ibiza for this tale of debauchery. "Tong" is actually a much smarter film as we follow Wilde from his absolute peak (women, wealth, fame, power) to his absolute bottom (isolation, insanity, and filth). The arc is motivated by Wilde progressively getting deaf, due to excess drugs and partying until eventually he is stone deaf and his career is shot. Not to give to much away, but just know that there is redemption, as Frankie Wilde rises from the ashes. All in all this is a great film, with moments of hilarity spliced with melancholy, the destructive power of massive ego, and salvation through love...BUT the music, it's all about the music.
The Soundtrack is 2 discs, both very different, like night and day. Disc 1 or Day is a collection of down-tempo electronica, instrumentals, classic rock, soul and jazz. Basically a great chillin' disc. The Gem is an amazing Depeche Mode remix (by goldfrapp).
Night represents Wilde's nightlife party persona, 16 tracks of hard hitting house, techno and electronica, masterfully mixed. If you like to club, or just dance by yourself, (personally I found this disc perfect for driving through the night en route to NYC) this is a great mix of tracks.

Full Track List

It's All Gone Pete Tong - Soundtrack
DAY
NIGHT

Sumomofo

The Metric System Lives Again

The Metric System is Down

PSA

Seasonal "24" Ulcer - Pt. 7

Seasonal “24” Ulcer - Pt. 5 (recap) Pt.6

Black Elvis

Howard Stern: 2-02-06

Make Love*...*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 6

Howard Stern: 2-01-06

Funkadelic 101

I Think I can Beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!

Make Love*...*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 5

Howard Stern: 1-31-06

Seasonal “24” Ulcer - Part 4

Make Love*...*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 4

Howard Stern: 1-30-06

Virginia Rodrigues

Make Love*...*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 3

Howard Stern: 1-27-06

The Cult

10 Worst Movie Posters of 2005, Part Two

Make Love*...*The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 2

Howard Stern: 1-26-06

Prison Songs

Make Love*...* the Bruce Campbell Way

Howard Stern: 1-25-06

Ween Wednesday Pt.5

Theatre of the New Ear

Howard Stern: 1-24-06

Autumn Thunder...In January

The Anansi Boys: Disc 8

Howard Stern: 1-23-06

Seasonal “24” Ulcer - Part 3

Yann Tiersen les Retrouvailles

The Anansi Boys: Disc 7

Howard Stern: 1-20-06

The Buck Stops Here

10 Worst Movie Posters of 2005, Part One

The Anansi Boys: Disc 6

Howard Stern: 1-19-06

Koala Revisited

The Anansi Boys: Disc 5

Howard Stern: 1-18-06

Ween Wednesday Pt.4

Seasonal "24" Ulcer pt.2

The Anansi Boys: Disc 4

Howard Stern: 1-17-06

Fast Fashion

Howard Stern: 1-16-06

The Anansi Boys: Disc 3

Howard Stern: 1-13-06

Seasonal "24" Ulcer

The Anansi Boys: Disc 2

Friday the 13th

Top 5 Posters of 2005

Howard Stern: 1-12-06

Mark & Wes - Sound and Vision

Life Sucks for Frank Steel

Howard Stern: 1-11-06

Ween Wednesday Pt.3

The Urban Hunter Returns

Howard Stern: 1-10-06

The Wu Part 2

Howard Stern: 1-09-06

Short and Sweet

2005, A Year in Movie Posters: The Best, Part One

A Little Bit Country

Video Game Nostalgia: NFL Playoffs Edition

Kid Koala

Give 'em the Horns

Ween Wednesday: Vol.2

Je me réveille

The Unicorns

Christmas and New Years with the Urban Hunter

Music for Surviving Christmas Crowds

Howard Stern: 12-16-05

Book One, Part Two: Mustache... No Mustache!

Howard Stern: 12-15-05

Christmas from Montreal

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 6

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 5

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 4

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 3

Make Love...The Bruce Campbell Way Disc 2

Make Love... the Bruce Campbell Way