2005, A Year in Movie Posters: The Best, Part One

I know that I have left everyone in a weird parallel universe where Burt Reynolds is still one of the most eligible men in Hollywood, but I have decided that I have to delay his colossal collapse a little bit longer and devote the next couple of weeks of movie poster posts to the inevitable best-and-worst of the year lists. I have no idea about how long it will take me to finally complete these lists, but what the hell, I can accurately say that by the end of the month of January I will have completed the 5 or 6 posts necessary to have outlined the 10 best and worst North American movie posters and 10 best foreign posters (I have to say that it is much harder to find a comprehensive list of foreign posters, so a lot of them are Japanese). As I have no idea how long this will take I will start with the 10 best…

Honourable Mention: It’s All Gone Pete Tong

Okay, so it’s fairly anti-climactic to start with an honourable mention, but fuck off - write your own fucking list. I think part of the reason I love this poster so much is that I absolutely love this movie, it is easily one of the best movies of the year, and it absolutely needs all the exposure it can get (buy it now… here). I will start with a negative comment, because this poster could have easily cracked the top ten if it wasn’t for a couple of major flaws. My biggest problem is the tagline: “The Legend of Frankie Wilde – the Deaf DJ” looks like the continuation of the title. You don’t need a tagline (some posters that are higher on this list don’t have tagline’s), but I hate the idea that quotes can replace taglines. Maybe it is just me, but I absolutely refuse to read movie poster quotes – even ass movies get quotes so how can you trust them? I absolutely love the colour of this poster. Posters have become more and more muted in terms of colour (for reasons that I do not understand), so something that is vibrant immediately makes an impact. His pose makes me laugh because it reminds me of the Karate Kid. I don’t know if it is intentional, but it works for me. Hell his face makes me laugh – but I know that’s because I have seen the movie. On to the actual top ten.

Number 10: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (I don’t care if they don’t care that their title is grammatically incorrect, I do)

From the moment that I saw this poster I knew that I would love this movie. Steve Carell is not a household name, so I think they were able to have fun and basically embrace the character instead of being caught in the trap where they had to cater to the star (can you imagine Tom Cruise in this pose – you wouldn’t buy it at all… and he would never play a forty-year-old… ever). The costume/hair in this poster is classic, as it was throughout the movie. You look at this guy and you know that he is a nice guy (he’s even got the puppy-dog eyes going) and you also know he is never getting laid… perfect. As I discussed above, I’m a pretty big sucker for a colourful poster so I love the two-tone background (it also gives him an even more “innocent” appearance). Finally, the tagline is not perfect, but it makes you laugh. I have also chosen the UK poster as one of the best foreign posters of the year so in a couple of weeks you’ll see what could have been.

Number 9: House of Wax

There is something very, very creepy about this poster. I was looking at stuff like Boogeyman and Wolf Creek, but they certainly don’t hold a candle (really bad pun alert!) to this image. I just erased a big chunk of this paragraph where I highlighted empty eye sockets and dripping wax as the keys to this image, but now I think they are complimentary to the real “hook” of this poster, which I think is that the lifeless body is supposed to be attractive. Now hold all hate mail, I am not saying I find that corpse attractive, but the way her body is positioned (and obviously topless) combined with her long flowing hair looks like a fairly classic vanity pose (I actually think that this is compounded by the dripping wax, which looks like the water that is constantly glistening in glamour shots). Combining this image with hollow eyes and dripping wax is not just creepy, it’s fucking creepy. The tagline: “Pray. Slay. Display.” sounds crappy, but it reads really well it takes your eyes from the dripping wax right down to the title, which has a funky font effect of its own. Great poster. Crappy movie, but a great poster.

Number 8: Childstar

Again, I worry that my love for this poster may have more to do with a personal bias (in this case my absolute hatred of child stars) than anything concrete design wise, but I like this poster A LOT. While the previous three films previously listed have only had mediocre taglines, “When you’re only famous for fifteen minutes… every second counts” is fucking brilliant and basically makes the poster for me. The image isn’t funny in a 40-Year-Old Virgin way, but when given the ironic distance created by the title and tagline it’s pretty smart. I love the how he has that greasy fucking little smirk; it really makes me angry and irritated. The fact that he looks like Macaulay Culkin is a definite bonus because it directs my rage towards someone in particular (thus capitalizing on my bias even more completely). Even the way Childstar is written makes me think of some stupid kid that will never have to work another minute of their lives thinking that it’s shitty to be alive for no reason whatsoever. Anyways, I haven’t seen the movie, but I do plan on it (unfortunately I’ve been planning on it for a while).

Number 7: King Kong

I had to put King Kong on the list because they released about six really striking images, but this one is the best of the bunch in my opinion. The representation of Kong, by both Andy Serkis and Weta Digital has to be one of the greatest filmmaking achievements of the year, and that is captured very well in this image. There is a deep humanity in his relationship to Naomi Watts, although it is much like a child with his or her favourite toy and that is perfectly represented in this image. The beautiful Naomi Watts looks unbelievably striking and pure in that ultimate-white white dress that she is wearing (this is despite the fact that a fucking 25 foot monkey has been carrying her around for the last couple of hours – realism is highly overrated anyways). The massive city landscape which surrounds Kong and Naomi Watts is gorgeous to look at and fully shows that you this movie is an event worthy of your $25,000 or whatever it costs to go to a movie today.

Number 6: Oldboy

I have previously discussed my hatred of using quotes and fucking laurels in lieu of a tagline, but when I look at this image I just pretend that they aren’t there. Given the taglines listed on IMDB, I am really happy that they didn’t clutter up this gorgeous image with one of those disgustingly worded phrases. I really like the composition of this poster, unlike House of Wax which uses the whole poster to bring your eyes to the title, Oldboy uses the title to draw you down to the main characters. Given the insane plot of the film, I love the chaos and confusion that this poster invokes. Similarly, I am generally very angry about most modern hand-painted character drawings, but again due to the surrealism of the film a realistic poster wouldn’t work. I know this is an inside joke, but anyone who has seen the film will find this poster even more satisfying because it includes several references to the film inside the credit block (the octopus, the hammer, etc…). This is another one of the best movies of the year, if you haven’t seen it – watch it!!!

Check back soon for my choices for the five best posters of the year!