Friday, October 21, 2005

Ain't Nothing Going To Get in My Way! Part 2

Yesterday I posted some kick ass movie posters... today I am going to post some more:

Oh Ron Howard, people laughed at you, but it made you rich and now they only laugh behind your back. Looking at this poster, I imagine Ron Howard in his palatial office yelling at his assistant (in a squeaky high-pitched voice) to buy all of the Grand Theft Auto posters and have them destroyed. I think I might buy one and post it on Ebay for $1000 to test my theory.
Other than Ron Howard’s presence on this poster (and a title that makes me think I am a black thug from the early 90s), the tagline makes this poster (All it is missing is SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!):
See the greatest cars in the world destroyed: Rolls Royce, Cadillac, Lincoln, Mercedes, Porsche and 43 Screaming Street Machines!

I can’t think of anybody who exudes toughness like Charles Bronson. Two years after the highly underrated Death Wish he made From Noon Till Three. From reading the synopsis I guess the title refers to how long he slept with Jill Ireland, which is pretty weird, but damn is that poster cool.
One look at this poster makes Charles Bronson my hero. Look at the smug expression on his mustached face, as he enjoys his cigar (obviously he is too manly for cigarettes). The woman is obviously satisfied… he knows it, and given the tagline is ready to brag about it. But, just like a great story, a great poster needs conflict… and nothing says conflict like a noose! I’m worried… and excited, but Charles, he’s chillin’.

I was checking into The Great Santini, and I guess it was a pretty good movie; it got two Oscar nominations at least. And the background of the poster is pretty boring and normal, fighter jets… blah, blah, blah. But look at the pose on that basketball player, and why the hell is their a basketball player on this poster anyway? He looks like he is shouting at the fighter jets… he will not be defeated.
At this point things are looking good, basketball player vs. fighter jets… and then you read the tagline, and !!!!!!! What the hell does that mean? Is this a war movie or a domestic drama? What the hell is going on? Robert Duvall’s mustache is being wasted on this crap? Oh, wait… the Oscar nominations…

Here is another Japanese poster… this time for Jaws. I will be the first to admit that the American Jaws poster is still one of the coolest ever, and as a kid in the video store I remember looking really hard to see if that woman was naked or not… good times. This Jaws poster is less subtle, but I still think very effective. It takes the hand-drawn poster style to a level of frightening impressionism.
I love the TINTORERA! tagline. Obviously, I have no idea what it means but it certainly looks scary. Great fonts can get you pretty far… but the shaky letters that have been torn apart by the sheer force of the word is not used often enough!

The poster below is an absolute work of art. The phony drawn-on body of Kris Kristofferson is hilarious, and the positioning of Kris and Ali McGraw is perfect. She’s leaning against him in such a way that she is half-relaxing, half-looking to kick someone’s ass.

Any tagline that sounds better in a Texas accent is good enough for me. Sam Peckinpah, why did you have to leave so soon???

Wanted: Bigfoot

Million Dollar Bounty
No more gallivanting around for Bigfoot. The scientific community has teamed up with the suits to offer a 1 million dollar reward for anyone who can capture Bigfoot...Alive. If anyone has a lead, here are the details.
I love Bigfoot, one of the few mysteries left in our part of the world. There is evidence abound that "suggests" its existence, there have been sightings, and the idea of a giant ape creature is prevalent throughout world mythology. But there are no bodies or bones...(cue mysterious music). So I'm torn whether I want proof or not. I'm sure the Bigfoot is perfectly happy doing whatever he's doing out in the woods, we'd probably end up putting him in a zoo, or worse, in SHOES.

Bigfoot Conferences
Everything is big in Texas. Last week in Jefferson, Texas hundreds gathered to take part in a Bigfoot Expo. Unfortunately, I bet this meeting didn't actually accomplish anything. These things only serve to provide a community, a moral support group, for all of the hopeless outcasts that believe in this creature. Don't get me wrong I believe in Bigfoot, who doesn't? But these conferences and the nerds that attend them are just fodder for the "Legitimate" scientific community. If only real scientists could help out in the search, we'd probably find Bigfoot. Instead the expeditions are led by these "tin-foil hat" wearing yahoos with their homemade equipment and grade 6 research skills. Look at this guy, he was the foremost expert (click the pic for obit), he looks like that guy that drinks listerine, builds sculptures with twine and shopping carts, and lives in my back alley.

Bigfoot and Wildboy
I am deeply upset that I've never actually seen this show, apparently it was part of a children's variety hour in the 70's. The Premise, Bigfoot raises an abandoned human child, teaching him the ways of the forest. Ok, feasible premise, I've heard stories of children raised by wolves so if Bigfoot is real, this isn't too far fetched. Until the hook, once the boy grows up the dynamic duo heads out of the forest and FIGHTS CRIME. This is genius, what are these writers doing now?
I'm offering a million dollar bounty for the whereabouts of the creative team behind this gem.

All I Wanted Was a Pepsi

Let me present the Crazy Eyed Killer, the heavy bandana, the look at the sweat on his pants - "Cyco" Mike Muir. This guy and his cronies practically invented skatepunk, hardcore to the Max, from Venice California - Suicidal Tendencies. I'm usually against greatest hits records on principal but Tendencies in one shape or another has lasted from the early 80's up to now. This album traces their progression from wicked ass skatepunk thrash, into balls out, head banging metal - I'm serious it is GOOD. Don't get me wrong it's not noise, like other heavy West Coast bands, (think early Red Hot Chili Peppers, Faith No More) Tendencies have a grooving line of funk and soul throughout their instrumentations and style.
If nothing else I'm sure almost everyone knows the infamous song and video for "Institutionalized". The one about the poor skater kid (Muir) who is misunderstood by his parents, and all figures of authority, and all he wants is "a Fuckin' Pepsi!" Man I felt his pain, my parents didn't understand, I just wanted a Pepsi too. As a sidenote this song made way more sense to me than the Fresh Prince's gay "Parents Just Don't Understand".
Frank Steel is also a big fan, if he has anything to add it will go here:
FRANKSTEEL says: They will rock you until you sleep like a baby
And without further ado, here is the album. Even if you're afraid of the name, if you're afraid of the music, if you're afraid of the creepy cover - please give it a chance. It is amazing.
Suicidal Tendencies - Prime Cuts

Thursday, October 20, 2005

El Reporto! Part 1

While I was writing article comparing the Warriors to the Yankees I came across the poster for the film and was awestruck by it's beauty. So, I decided to write an article on the amazing movie posters of the 70s.
Before I start writing about these posters, I think we can all agree that the Anchorman poster should have been in Spanish. Don't get me wrong, I loved Anchorman, but I think I would love El Reporto even more. It gives that mustache even greater meaning.

Anyways, on to the posters:
Because I have made the posters abnormally small I will have to write out the taglines where applicable. The Warriors tagline is as great as the poster itself:
These are the armies of the night. They are 100,000 strong. They outnumber the cops five to one. They could run New York City. Tonight they're all out to get the Warriors.
Holy crap... all those hand drawn mofo's get me all fired up for some good old-fashioned, put-your-gun-away gang warfare...

I have to be honest, before I was doing research into 70s posters, I had never heard of North Dallas 40, even though it was directed by the immortal Ted Kotcheff of First Blood fame (and a Canadian no less)!
That being said, I really think this poster is speaking directly to me. Football... check. Cheerleaders... check. Nick Nolte (with a killer mustache)... check. If two guys sitting in cleated cowboy boots, pouring beer on their head and pretending to shoot into the sky is normal - I can't wait for the weird bits. The great part is that according to IMDB this is supposed to show the reality of being a football player!

Soylent Green is another poster that is complimented nicely by a great tag line:
It's the year 2022... People are still the same. They'll do anything to get what they need. And they need SOYLENT GREEN.
I love Charlton Heston in this movie, and I love how they have drawn him on this poster. Narrowly escaping the giant Riot Control truck that is crushing everyone in sight, he is still dressed exquisitely. I can see him bellowing out the famous line "Soylent Green is People!"

Mad Max is a probably Mel Gibson's best role. He is one bad ass Australian - I wonder what the MFP stands for on his helmet, something bad ass I am sure. I think one reason I love this poster so much is that it somehow makes me think of two things that dominated my youth - Spy Hunter and Knight Rider.
I can't say enough about that tagline either... that is some deep shit. Please save me Mel Gibson... hopefully you are out there somewhere...

I don't know if you can make it out on the small version of this Apocalypse Now poster, but there is a surfer in those waves. How amazing is that poster? There are tonnes of examples of Japanese posters that blow away their American counterparts.

I'm going to continue with some more posters tomorrow, or whenever I can... but I am going to put one more that I don't think needs any commentary. Below is probably the greatest poster of the 70s:

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Thin Shoes In June

15 light, sweet and addictive musical electronic-instrumental pieces that will calm, collect and chill you. Each with its own little tune and imaginative arrangement, designed to ensure that at no stage does this album become remotely tedious or repetitive.
Cape Town producer, Felix Laband delivers an audio experience that will pull you through his dreamy world. A good alternative to the surging overtures of the Arcade Fire, this album will give a little summer solace as we draw closer to winter.

Fighting Back the Tears

I always wondered why Chuck stopped fighting, and who stopped Walker Texas Ranger... I wonder no more:

Dear Friends:
I was lying in bed a couple of months ago and I started reflecting back to my Martial Arts career as a fighter. I remembered back to 1974, when I decided to retire after six years as the undefeated World Middleweight Karate Champion. I thought that I could defend my title again in 1975 at the age of 35 and win my seventh consecutive year, but then again I could probably lose, so I decided to retire as an undefeated champion. To this day I am considered one of the top fighters of all time. If I had fought and lost, that may not have been the case.
Then I began thinking about Walker, Texas Ranger. Fortunately, Walker has been a top rated series for eight years and I thought it could probably have a successful ninth season, but then again maybe not. Anyway that is the reason I am ending Walker, Texas Ranger. I want the series to end as a winner. I know the let down of Walker being over will be very emotionally hard on me, just as it did when I retired as a fighter, but I did not stop doing my Martial Arts when I retired and I will not stop acting when Walker is over. I hope whenever my acting career goes that I will still have your support! As I have always believed, "When one door closes, a bigger one opens."

God Bless you.
Sincerely your friend,
huck Norris

A rare photo of Frank Steel posing with his hero and stepfather Chuck Norris

And watch these... absolute hilarity!


Christmas in October

Hopefully everyone knows and loves The Arcade Fire, a lovely little ensemble hailing from the blustery streets of Montreal. Their album, "Funeral" is an absolute must own, incredibly unique sound and orchestration. They also have an EP, "Us Kids Know", which is also worth checking out.
Here is a Christmas Album that was apparently recorded in 2002 by the band for a christmas party,, and was subsequently leaked on this crazy thing called internet. Some good, rare tunes on it besides the christmas standards, enjoy.
Arcade Fire - Christmas 2002

Also here is another gem. The Arcade Fire live at the Lowlands, 2005. Unfortunately it's all one track, but the sound quality is incredible so it evens out.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Hip-Hop Soldier

a nice little mix of old and new... pt.1, pt.2
To Download:
- click on link
- scroll down to bottom, choose FREE
- scroll down pg.2 wait until countdown is finished
- click link to download
- unfortunately Rapidshare only allows one free download per hour

Mawae Down

6-time Pro Bowler Kevin Mawae is out with a torn tricep...for the rest of the season... Ok, so who's next?
2005-6 will be remembered as a year of trials and tribulations of biblical proportions for the Job-like Jets (nice, finally got God back into sports). This latest setback could be the worst, Mawae was the rock on which Vinny could stand, I'm worried about Vinny's state of mind after the Bill's victory but now he is literally in physical danger every time he stands on the field. I can't say anything else about this, I'm still in shock, I'll leave the game (Bills-Jets) analysis to the experts, take it away Boomer.

Urban Hunting Tips Pt.2

I would like to apologize for the delay on the follow up article to my squirrel hunting tips. I was stuck up on a rooftop all last week in a sniping stand off with some raccoons down the way. But that’s an article for another day…

Now when it comes to hunting pigeons I like use my Remington Model 1100 Sporting 410 Rifle because it’s the only auto-loading .410 bore shotgun out there today. It also has a 27-inch vent rib choke barrel for better balance and smooth handling, which will come in handy when you’re out there with the unpredictable pigeons.

I also like to bring along my hunting dog Lenny, cause with fast moving airborne targets like pigeons you never really know where the bodies will land, and that’s where Lenny comes in handy.

I also like to use him for a technique I call “dropping the dog”, where I take him up in a tree with me above a popular pigeon hangout. Now this technique may take some patience, so be prepared and bring plenty of beer to keep you focused. What you want to do is wait for a large flock of pigeons to gather around you under the tree, then drop your dog right into the middle of them, which will cause them to fly up right into point blank range of your rifle. ;) Just make sure you don’t aim towards the ground and accidentally hit your birding dog.

Happy pigeon hunting!
by: Dean Hardcore