Saturday, October 15, 2005

Take Me Down to Joyland Beach,,,

Friday night was by far one the best live outings by the Kittens to date. Who am I kidding it was the best show I've seen in a long time. The talented foursome were joined by a keyboardist and percussionist, and even opera singers for a few ditties. The set was filled with standards and new materials, all good. A costume change, and wrestling match later the show was over way too soon. A jam-packed Rivoli crowd brought down the house with applause. Oh, and the CD? It's fantastic too. This is what you've all been waiting for... Run With The Kittens self-titled debut.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Double Bacon Genius Burger


Only on Halloween is this cute enough not to be child abuse. I need a costume...post the best costumes you've ever seen in the comments for inspiration.

The Gypsy

For those of you that believe in the mystical and metaphysical, forget self-discovery, screw enlightenment through meditation; here is a magic computer that will tell you everything you need to know about yourself. If you'd rather let a real person tell you the secrets of the universe visit www.lisamarvin.ca

The Pride of the Jets

Just click here
J-E-T-S, J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets

Sumomofo says:

Sumomofo and Frank Steel are going to the Jets vs. Bills game this Sunday. Sumomofo will be providing in-depth coverage of the game from the 50 yard line, first row in the heart of Bills fan territory. Frank Steel will be drunk at the concession stand or cruising the sidelines looking for reporters to make out with.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Penguin of Death

Do you ever feel alone in a crowded room? Do you sometimes become easily confused? Are you looking for love and/or companionship? The Penguin of Death understands...he is too.
To meet other stick figures visit artistic genius:
Edward Monkton

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

25 Reasons Why the NBA Rules

The first Raptors pre-season game is tonight, which got me thinking about the NBA. Like the Sports Guy, I am one of the last 7 fans of this sport in North America. But I am here to convert you all. Below is a list of actual quotes from NBA players. I have added commentary where necessary, but really, this stuff speaks for itself.
I Love This Game:
1. "I make love to pressure." Stephen Jackson. Words cannot express how much I love this quote… in fact I just changed my profile.

2. "They don't know polo from lolo." Charles Oakley, on Canadian fans. This simultaneously makes me feel sad and proud to be Canadian.

3. "Half Man, Half Sit-Out-The-Season." Barkley, talking about Vince Carter. The first of Barkley's many appearances on this list. This is a great quote, but it is made even better by my hatred of Vince Carter.

4. "Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There's clothes and shoes. There's also an upcoming book deal that I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be positive. I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize." Ron Artest on how he's dealing with life after his suspension. I was originally going to have an article full of Ron Artest quotes, but by the time I had put about 10 together I got scared. Read this quote a couple of times and you will truly begin to understand insanity.

5. "Just say I'm from Somalia, and I need food." Steven Jackson. I never thought Stephen Jackson was crazy until the brawl in Detroit, where it was obvious that he was the craziest of the bunch. I can’t imagine what the Indiana locker room is like, is Larry Bird scared to go in there?

6. "I feel like Bill Walton -- old and sh*tty." Shaq. Over the course of a year and a half Shaq has changed from a joke (bad actor, bad rapper) to the most likeable athlete in the NBA, all because Kobe was a jackass.

7. "I saw what the governor makes. That's like four hands of blackjack." Charles Barkley on why he wasn't seriously considering becoming the Governor of Alabama. Okay, so this isn’t a basketball quote – but it is hilarious.

8. "There’s Fredo, there’s Sonny and there’s Michael. The Godfather handed it over to Michael. I have no problem hading it over to Dwyane.” Shaq, comparing Penny Hardaway, Kobe Bryant and Dwyane Wade. I read this quote and think of Kobe Bryant doing chin-ups in prison like Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear. Either that or crying himself to sleep.

9. "There are things you can't get in Vancouver, like Cap'n Crunch." Tony Massenburg on why he didn't like Vancouver when he played there. Another classic anti-Canadian quote – no wonder the Raptors can’t get a free agent to sign in Toronto to save their lives. If he thinks Cap’n Crunch is a problem, wait until he is looking for beer at the local convenience store, or a gun.

10. "He probably was a little tired from All-Star weekend. While he was running up and down the court throwing it off the backboard, I was laying on the beach drinking a fruity drink with an umbrella. So I probably gave myself an unfair advantage on that one.” Jalen Rose explaining why he outplayed Vince Carter two days after the All-Star Game. This is the first quote by a Raptor, made while playing for the Raptors. Jalen may be overpaid, and I think I could score some baskets on him, but he is straight-up cool.

11. "I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok." Shaq. Wow I think Shaq deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.

12. "I think it's a great city . I think it's a fabulous city. But in my young juvenile days, I was an idiot and I bought 30 cars. And I need to drive those cars and New York isn't really the place you can do that." Shaq, on why he never wants to play for the Knicks. Just like I was conflicted about Oakley’s “lolo” quote, this quote makes me think Shaq is hilarious, and makes me want to kill him because I am so jealous at the same time.

13. "There's always going to be criticism when your name is Jalen. You have to wear a bulletproof vest and be ready for it." Jalen Rose. It just seems right that Jalen Rose played for the Pacers. But it is so wrong that he wasn’t there with Ron Artest and Steven Jackson. How random is this quote – I can’t argue with him, because my name is not Jalen.

14. a) I'm dominant every night. I come in every night and get beat up. I never make a face when they try to flagrant or hack-a-Shaq me, because I'm not from this planet. Earthlings don't faze me.” Shaq, a long time ago.
b) "I was an earthling last season, I had to go back to my alien roots." Shaq, last week. I actually believe this is true.

15. "If I had a player out of line, I would bench him. That's all you can do, bench him. You don't kiss nobody's rear end, because it stinks." Ron Artest. This is only mediocre until you get to that ending – Gold Jerry, Gold.

16. “I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.” Charles Barkley. Even before he was a broadcaster Barkley was hilarious. I don’t want to get all political on this blog (again), but if he was white, would he not be as big as Chris Berman? He is truly a comic genius.

17. "I've got to stop this. My entourages are getting entourages." Jalen Rose, on the trouble finding tickets for everyone when he returns to Detroit. Jalen Rose is truth

18. “I love New York City; I've got a gun.” Charles Barkley. What a great statement. Kind of political, kind of funny, pretty scary… classic. I make love to quotes like this.

19. "Sex is great, if you are in a relationship. Otherwise, I find sex actually not so interesting. Without a relationship it is confusing." Tom Cruise to Bild Magazine. Just checking to see if you were still paying attention – and, it’s a great quote anyways. Not everthing involves the NBA.

20. "I can't put it into words. Playing with a guy, living with a guy, just knowing that every day when I wake up that's something I can count on, that I'm going to be in practice or in a game with Cuttino. Him not being here is going to be tough for me. I don't know what I'm going to wake up for." Steve Francis on the Cuttino Mobley trade. What is Cuttino Mobley’s reaction to this quote? Does he get a restraining order or run back to Steve Francis’ house holding a stereo playing Peter Gabriel?

21. "I hope not. It's not moving. It's sore, but it's staying there." Ron Artest, on the possibility of his nose being broken. Like I said before, just feel the insanity coming off of the page. I want Ron Artest to quit basketball and become a professional wrestler – I think there would be a 25% chance that he kills somebody within his first couple of months

22. "It was like Hamlet. Suspense, a thriller, and then I killed them." Quentin Richardson on a game winning shot. I actually think this is a little to smart for this discussion, but I had to include it.

23. "He's still Michael Jordan. But I broke two of his ribs!!" Ron Artest. I am running out of Ron Artest commentary - I want to see him on Dr. Phil. Can Commissioner Stern do this as a part of his next suspension. Montel maybe?

24. "I don't even know what it means. You have to [update?] my vocabulary. I've been meaning to ask anyone, my father. I didn't get a chance to ask anyone. I haven't looked in a dictionary yet. What does integrity mean?" Ron Artest on his paid suspension for what the coach called “compromising the integrity of the team”. Is this real or a joke? Either way...In-san-ity… utter and absolute insanity.

25. "I'm a GM in fantasy basketball and I'm a GM on Playstation, so on Playstation I probably would have got a little more, but this is real life, so I don't know." Jalen Rose on the Vince Carter trade . Jalen Rose is truth



Tuesday, October 11, 2005

How Vinny Got His Drive Back

Let me begin by retracting any negative comment I’ve ever made about Vinny Testaverde. I admit I was hesitant to see Vinny return to the NFL in his 42nd year, but I’m beginning to feel the fairy tale magic of the whole scenario. Seriously this is a Disney movie. Old, “over-the-hill” quarterback comes out of retirement, (I’ve heard he was vacationing in France when he got the call from Herm) to play football. Incidentally it’s for his old team and also the team whose stadium was a few minutes away from where he was born. He arrives in NYC, he faces the criticism head on, does the impossible and wins the Superbowl. Of course there is room for a love story with the beautiful and naïve mid-western cheerleader who teaches Vinny how to be young again awhile she learns that true beauty is on the inside. Also don’t forget the terminally ill “super fan” five-year old who plays catch with Vinny on the beach and whose chances of getting better depend entirely on Vinny throwing 42 touchdown passes for the year.
Back in reality, the Jets are looking really good. The defense is insane, one of the best “overlooked” in the league. John Abraham, Jonathan Vilma, and Ty Law are punishing their opponents with sacks, interceptions and tackles every game, unfortunately half of these don’t count because of terrible penalties, (ex. Abraham’s Sack-fumble-touchdown in the opening play of the game against Baltimore). Bottom line, the defense will hold the Jets in every game provided they get some time off the field.
This is where the offence comes in, and you can see it happening, they are slowly getting their drive back. This Sunday the offence scored the first touchdown since Chad’s demise (provided it was a gift wrapped, hand delivered, hand grenade of a turnover by Ty Law that put them on 1st and Goal). Still the fight and fire it gave them was indisputable, the Jets look like they have an offence again rather than a commercial break between stints of defense. The reason is this, Vinny Testaverde, he’s a pro, he makes the team feel better, he’s like the fun uncle playing on your side in the thanksgiving touch-football tournament. He knows how to do his job, which lets the other players do their jobs. He has also played with a bunch of these guys before; you can feel the chemistry between him and Coles, (note that their bond is way less gay than Chad and Laveranues) and I expect to see a lot of Chrebet in the future. The final piece that makes up this offensive revolution is the O-line, they stepped it up in a big way for Vinny. No way is he breaking a hip with Mawae and his boys, as they keep him safe in the pocket. And we all know Vinny in the pocket is like the greasy cheese in a crispy calzone – hot.

Call me optimistic but I think the Jets look better than ever right now, yes I understand that is without Chad. Losing him was like a little like breaking up with a bad girlfriend. As you put more distance you put between yourself and the break-up you begin to see the weakness of your relationship. You realize that although she was hot, she was actually lousy in bed, although at times she could be fun, but she really strained your wallet and stressed you out too much. This is may be Chad... and the Jets may be better off without him... or maybe I’m just still bitter about losing our superstar so early in the year.
Boomer's Boom with a View

Yankees
Speaking of bitter, I’m too upset with the Yankees right now. I’m going to need some time to look at that series objectively. As shit as they were, two things were apparent:
1. The Umpire is an Angels Fan
2. Derek Jeter is the best player in baseball, but he can't win alone
One thing I've learned is that I would trade K-Rod for A-Rod any time, that kid is the heir apparent to the “alien” reliever throne (still held by Rivera). I do like Frank Steel’s unique analysis I think it’s actually close to perfect, although I would say it applies more to last years Yankee vs. Sox match-up, where the Sox are the scruffy, rag tag - but honorable underdog gang (Warriors), beating insurmountable odds to overcome adversity. But I digress…
Jeter can't win by himself

Run With The Kittens

Possibly the finest live band in Toronto, Run with the Kittens are set to leap with the lions. Virtually impossible to describe, their sound is an experience you have to see to believe. Performing mostly original material, the Kittens also delve into a few obscure covers. Have you ever heard a dreamy love-song rendition of NWA? How about a jazz version of "Ghostbusters", and I have never felt so much emotion and raw power as is found in their epic rock-ballad version of “Phantom of the Opera”.
For you audiophiles out there, here is a hipster-dufus, music snob comparison table. (Personally I hate describing bands like this, is all music a post-modern mash-up? Is nothing new???)

Ween vs. White Stripes
The voice of the Hives vs. band of Primus
Beck vs. Rush

(for anyone that has seen these guys feel free to comment with your own comparisons)

Every Tuesday night at the Cameron House (10pm no cover)
Definitely check out the CD release party at the Rivoli, Friday October 14th (10pm, $15 cover w/ includes the CD)
check out the kittens website for some music samples.

Steven Seagal Can Play Guitar!!!

Holy Crap, Steven Seagal is a genius... now he can add “Energy Drink formulator” to a list of talents that already includes veteran actor, singer/songwriter, guitarist, and Aikido black belt.

I love crap like this!

The Yankees = The Furies

I have to be honest. Unlike the illustrous founder and spiritual leader of this blog, I am not a Yankees or a Red Sox fan. In fact, as someone that has loved the Blue Jays for a long time (and is very sad that Tom Cheek passed away this weeked), I have grown to hate both the Yankees and the Red Sox with equal passion. But, I think it is foolish to believe that these are not the two best teams to represent the American League in the ALCS.

The baseball playoffs are about drama, and no teams have more drama than the Red Sox and Yankees, and more specifically the Red Sox vs. The Yankees. The White Sox are kind of interesting because of the curse of the Black Sox, but even the city of Chicago would rather the Cubs win, so why should I care? The Angels are from Anaheim, where nobody cares about anything except for looking hot.


Who should be blamed for this? Alex frickin Rodriguez. That double play in the bottom of the ninth was an abomination. This coming from a guy who makes $537.77 ( I used this to figure that out) in the same time it takes for me to make $1 doing my job. And I've got it from a good source that he was smoking crack and watching TV while he made his $537.77, while I was working. As the NY Post cover shows, the entire city of New York is already out to get him. I think the Yankees need to learn something from the Warriors. The Warriors were not the best dressed, or most respected gang in New York City. But once everything went down, they fought together... as a team.

I think the Yankees played more like the Furies than the Warriors. This idea may have started because of the obvious baseball uniform connection, however, as I thought deeper I saw greater similarities between the Furies and Yankees. The Furies are one of the toughest gangs that the Warriors have to face in their battle through New York. They are very deep - there is no "end boss" in the whole gang, instead they are all good fighters. As the Angels manager said about the Yankees, "Every player on their team is a clean-up hitter". Like the
Yankees are in baseball, The Furies are probably the most famous gang in the Warriors, not just because of their costumes, but also because of this famous line. Finally, the Furies, like the Yankees, are obviously one of the richest gangs in NY as they all have baseball bats, when none of the other gangs carry much more than chains.

When I am playing the Warriors video game... which is coming out in less than a week. I pledge to the 3 readers of this website that I am going to imagine that the Furies are all Alex Rodriguez... and I will beat them down.

Check out this website and tell me...

CAN YOU DIG IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Desperate Times

The internet in my office is down, I have broken into my bosses office to post this desperate message. I will be spreading the gospel as soon as I can.