Friday, September 30, 2005


The Cincinnati Bengals have had a long and rich history of great dance moves. One of my first football memories was the great Icky Shuffle - performed by the legendary Icky Woods. Beyond having the coolest first name in football history, Icky was not afraid to show the world that he could dance. Sadly, Icky's career was cut short by injuries, but I plead to all five of the people reading this to go to this site and, if you can afford it, allow Icky to come to your place of work and maybe, just maybe, show everyone around you how to do the Icky Shuffle.
Now, 14 years after Icky left the football world, Chad Johnson has tried to fill the void Icky has left in Cincinnati, and throughout the football world. When Chad arrived at camp this year with a new nickname, 7-Eleven (because he is always open), I thought he might be ready to make the Icky-leap. Then, last weekend he made that leap
by: Frank Steel

Ye Who Are Lost...
Although its Friday, I'm pissed off. All I want to do is post an album, an F'in Dolly Parton album (believe me it's actually really good). I'm having a hard time with this computer technology, honestly it's a different language.
So, this link is pretty interesting. A friend of mine stumbled on it accidentally while looking for mine, just look at the similarity.
Now I've always thought of my site as divine, but this almost proves it. Not only is this other one religious, it's a MEGA SITE OF AMAZING BIBLE STUDIES, that is some amazing adjective action. It claims to prove that the bible is true AND have interesting information on the future, that's right - the future... Shit it gives away the ending.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Sunshine Superstar

After spending literally hours (5 minutes A.D.D. time) combing the internet for pictures of the one-time Canadian supergroup LEN all I can find is this one. It's tiny, black and white, and from a Japanese fan site. Look how tough they are, look how cool that guy in the middle in the back is, his face says "Len is the real deal, this is it, I am the biggest star in the world".
Today I saw Marc Costanzo, (last name like George from "Seinfeld" is actually appropriate, he is short, stalky, balding). I used to know him growing up because he used to date my best friend's older sister. So today he strolls into the production office, into the accounting department in which I too happen to be standing. I recognize him immediately not so much from the star power, more from the fact that everything I learned about treating women right was taught to me based on the anti-thesis of what this guy is all about. Yes he is ass.
Somewhat taken aback by my forward almost needy greeting, Marc immediately cools into his rockstar pose. I get it; he thinks I'm a fan, how cute. I bring up the fact that we knew each other when we were younger, we lived in so-and-so, he dated so-and-so. I see in his eyes the panic; his little moment of glory has become a trip down memory lane, towards darker days when he wasn't such a perfect, talented and hospitable guy. He immediately closes up and pretends he doesn't know me. "But your name is Marc Costanza right?"
"You've got me confused with someone else."
"Oh, ok Marc"
And he leaves.
First off this chance encounter is hilarious for 2 reasons. I love being in the presence of a certain type of "has-been" superstar, their awkward paranoia and insecurity is so empowering. Their mind is constantly flip-flopping between, "Why doesn't this person recognize me, it used to be that I couldn't go anywhere without being recognized, am I getting old? Do I look older? etc." into "Please God don't let this person recognize me, not here, not like this, why can't I put this all behind me."
Also because Marc Costanza is a nasty man, I could list a hundred reasons, but trust me. To remember him in a word, arrogant. So it was nice to see that he'd become so self-conscious he actually pretended not to remember who I was just so he wouldn't have to travel back to his mistakes.

A Picture Says a Thousand Words...

Sometimes in life we are lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the miraculous, an inch of the divine. Often these moments leave us speechless, sometimes confused and even scared. Almost always it will change your life.
I am pleased to welcome a Scribe of the Stupendous, a Minstrel of the Magic, a man just recently returned from the peat bogs of Truro, N.S. where he was studying the mysterious social customs of the elusive Donair Beast.

Frank Steel everybody.

Where is Frank Steel?

Is this him?

Who is Frank Steel?

coming soon...

A Time For Heroes...

In this time of uncertainty and social strife, in a world filled with fear and gripped by terror, in a mind warped by chemicals and filled with perversion...There is but one hero to save us.
His name is Ash, and he works in housewares.
Seriously though this guy is the F'in greatest movie hero, I dare you to find one better, no really go ahead.
Unfortunately I don't have enough time to thoroughly extol his virtues, but for a taste of his verbal genius try this soundboard:

Thursday is the new Friday...

Thursday has arrived, I've managed to shrug off the weight that was the Jet's disaster and move on with my life. I'm floating in a cloud of ignorant bliss until the cold hard rain of truth washes over me on Sunday.

Luckily the Yankees have been a great distraction to the woes of the Jets. I can't wait until the Red Sox get destroyed. I also love that the Blue Jays, my other favorite team, seem to be working with the Yankees in crushing Boston's hopes and dreams. If only they could always work together like this, I wouldn't have to be such a torn baseball fan.

The one stick in the mud of this otherwise glorious day is the lack of comments on my blog. I'm not concerned that there aren't more, I don't expect many until I get some sort of interesting thing going on here. But there is one person who was supposed to write a comment who has YET TO DO SO, my lovely and talented and younger and better looking, and wealthier, girlfriend. Here is her picture:

Honestly Jen don't be jealous.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Chad is Bad

There is not much left to say...
Torn Rotator Cuff Confirmed for Pennington
Jets Sign Testaverde
For some reason this quote scares me, actually this whole idea scares me
"The Good Lord has blessed me with a talent and I feel like I need to use it as long as he’s allowing me to. My dreams are to win a Super Bowl. We came close one year but I haven’t tasted that yet, and I’d like to try to do that."
- Vinny Testaverde
Jets' Pennington Out for Season, Bollinger to Start Sunday
"Quarterback Brooks Bollinger, starting this week for the Jets, is a very good athlete with good arm strength. He does not make mental mistakes or bad decisions."
- Gil Brandt's "random thoughts"
So that's that, is the season finished? I hope not, in fact I think that Bollinger will surprise us all as a darkhorse prodigy, throwing his brains out and running for over 100 yds.